What I learned from meerkats

"The moment is always Now".

Nothing makes me happier than spending time with my family and experiencing new things in life so I was more than a teensy bit excited yesterday to get to hang out with the (allegedly) tamest  meerkats in Britain.

I was preempting my gratitude journal that evening would be full of family, love and laughter (which it was) but I had to add an entry to the meerkats for a great reminder on how to approach life with complete wonder.

My youngest son had velcro trainers on and the curious animals spent huge amounts of time investigating how this worked, undoing them, doing them back up and moving aside to let others have a go. The joy as they played together and jumped onto our laps for cuddles was contagious. When their food came they stopped what they were doing and totally absorbed themselves in the task of mindfully eating, savouring every mouthful. No chance of them automatically consuming their food, not really noticing the flavours while multi tasking as humans often do.

I went to bed last night thankful for the chance to observe these cute creatures living in the moment. It is something I will never forget.

Life after Facebook

“What matters is what we do with the life we have.” Carrie Ryan

I don’t profess to understand how anything works. I am in constant awe of the technological advances of our world and how the distance between us seems to be ever diminishing. With a large proportion of my family living overseas, and having moved away from my birth town myself, I was so thankful to Facebook when I initially became a user. At any given time I could fire up my laptop and check out all the recent news and photos. Despite the miles separating us I felt close to my loved ones. It was official - Facebook made me happy, and had I sustained checking in every now and then it probably would still continue to do so.

I can’t pinpoint when social media became a huge part of my day, every day but it became so easy to access. I bought a smartphone initially due to my love of music, my iPhone saved me carrying around an iPod and a mobile. I installed the Facebook app ‘just in case’ I ever wanted to catch up with recent posts without logging on. Who was I kidding. It became impossible for me to get through the day without constantly checking who was doing what. I didn’t want to miss anything and it seemed everyone was having so much fun, I wanted to be part of that.

As well as close friends and family I hooked up with old school friends, work colleagues, gym buddies. My virtual world was growing larger and larger but I felt my real life was becoming increasingly insular. The more I connected to people online the more disconnected I felt from reality, from myself. I found myself reaching for my phone as soon as I woke up and Facebook was always the last thing I looked at in bed at night, it took me ages to get to sleep, my mind would be full of status updates.

I began to feel lonely. The majority of my friends are on Facebook and catching up over the phone seemed to be a thing of the past. Getting married, having a baby, new job - important events where once people would excitedly telephone around seemed to be announced on their wall instead. If I was having a tough day reading about ‘the greatest night out EVER’, started to bring me down. Not that I begrudged anyone having fun but I felt separate, like an observer, seeing life but not actually part of it.

One day last year, I took my son to the park. I sat on a bench and watched him racing around laughing. Glancing around me every single parent was hunched over a mobile phone or tablet completely missing the joy their child was experiencing in that moment. I felt a sinking feeling as I realised how much time a week I must spend scrolling down my news feed rather than being engaged with the world before me. Facebook would always be there, my family wouldn’t. It was time to make a change.

When I got home I deleted the Facebook app from my phone and can honestly say the benefits have been huge. I continue use Facebook professionally (yes this blog will appear on there too) and still think it is a great tool, used in moderation. My day once again begins and ends with meditation. I sleep better, am more energised and feel totally connected and at peace with myself. I am calling my friends on the phone and meeting up with them more with a renewed appreciation of our friendship. Those important to you will always remain in your life regardless of whether or not you ‘like’ their statuses on a regular basis. 

Every now and then when I am online I sometimes choose to log on, there are pages I enjoy and people I genuinely care about, but it is a choice, no longer an unhealthy habit at best, an obsession at worst. 

This is my personal experience, millions of people participate in social media daily with no detrimental effects. Social networking is great if you enjoy it and don’t feel any negativity from using it but with Social Media Addiction fast on the way to becoming a recognised condition and purportedly harder to quit than alcohol and drugs, please be mindful of your usage.

Coping with chronic pain

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”.

For the last few months my health has steadily deteriorated (my story). Increased pain and a decline in my already limited mobility has been a true test of my faith.

I don’t mean faith in the religious sense but a real challenge to the belief I have that I can manage chronic pain through a blend of meditation, mindfulness, diet and other natural methods.

It is important to me to feel in control of my condition and not the other way around. I don’t like using labels, it’s so easy to get caught up in the definition of who you think you are. 

Eckhart Tolle once said  “Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon. It is also insane.” This often applies to medical conditions too. It is easy to fall into the “I have ………….. and therefore I cannot ……………. and will never …………..”.

I shall never give up on trying to improve my health but I no longer try to resist it causing me further emotional distress. I have a quiet acceptance  now, a peaceful place inside of me that is always there, waiting for me to reconnect at any time, no matter what my external circumstances are.

I think only those who have experienced chronic pain can have some understanding of how it feels. That said, everyones personal journey is unique. There may not only be unrelenting pain but there can also be anger at your body for letting you down, to the universe for letting this happen, towards loved ones for not understanding instinctively. Throw in a good dose of fear into the mix “is this ever going to improve?”, “am I on a downward spiral again?”, the stress of which causes muscle tightness and pain in different areas as sensitivity is heightened. General function is then reduced further and unhelpful thoughts and emotions such as “I am a burden” surface and once you are on the negative thought train it’s hard to get off. No wonder it’s exhausting. 

I feel such gratitude for all I have learnt the past few years. As much as I love teaching my general meditation workshops I am looking forward to launching my programme for chronic pain later this year. It has been a real experience finding methods that work for me and it will be a real privilege to pass them on.

Your New Year's Resolution should be this

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line". Lucille Ball

Are you making New Year’s resolutions? Many of us are hurtling towards 2014 with good intentions and the hope that next year we can transform ourselves into the people we want to be.

Put the brakes on; there is only one thing you need to develop next year. Self-love. Yep, it’s that simple. If we take a look at five of the most common resolutions of 2013 you will see why.

1) Eat healthily

If you practice self-love you will begin to respect your body in a way you never thought possible. Naturally you will want to fuel yourself with the cleanest foods available meaning a healthier, slimmer you.

2)  Drink less alcohol

There is nothing wrong with the odd social drink if you choose to do so but practice self-love and any excess bingeing borne out of self loathing will naturally grind to a halt.

3) Quit smoking

With self-love comes gratitude. The human body is awesome and capable of so many great things, you won’t want to potentially affect your health through cigarettes.

4) Save money

With self-love comes an inner tranquility and contentment. The need to fill time with activities or shopping to give ourselves that endorphin release becomes a thing of the past. There is happiness to be found in just Being.

5) Better work/life balance

Through self-love you learn to recognise your own value, know that it’s ok to say no, set boundaries and put your own needs first. You can be a team player at work without compromising your family and social time.

So ditch the lists, you don’t need them, or the hard time you may give yourself if your resolve weakens (a slice of chocolate cake on 2nd January does not make you a bad person). Instead, love yourself as though your life depends on it and everything else will just fall into place.

Gifts from a stranger

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love". Hamilton Wright Mabie

There is nothing like a random act of kindness to give me a warm fuzzy feeling and although it really is the little things that can touch someone's heart the generosity of Greg Parady has blown me away.

Greg, the owner of Parady Financial Group was shopping in a Walmart in Florida for bikes for the Toys for Tots charity when he overheard a conversation that upset him

A customer was talking worriedly about money, she couldn't pay off her layaway and was upset she couldn't buy gifts for her children. 

Without hesitation Greg whipped out his credit card and not only paid off her bill but at least half of every customer's layaway. In total Greg spent over $20,000.

While Christmas shouldn't be about the material and this is, without a doubt, a huge amount of money to spend, thanks to a stranger's generosity there will be many a happy child opening their Christmas presents this year, overlooked by relaxed parents who haven't had to fall into debt buying the gifts.

Have yourself a stress free little christmas

"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas". Calvin Coolidge

Wow, it's hard to believe we are in December already, this year has flown by so fast. Have you written your cards? Wrapped your gifts? Feel in control of your pre-holiday preparations?

If the thought of the impending celebrations make you want to cower under the kitchen table you’re not alone. Follow my tips for a stress-free Christmas. 

Look after yourself. This has to be number one. It's only natural to worry about everyone else making sure they have what they need to enjoy the festive period but if you are not ok your family is not ok. Frantically running around in your lunch break searching for the perfect gifts will take its toll on your emotional and physical health. Take regular time out to rejuvenate. 10 minutes mindful breathing a day will do wonders for your stress levels. Delegate where you can - who says you have to do it all on your own?

Take a reality check. You may have a to-do list a mile long but what would actually happen if you didn't do everything on it? The world wouldn't end if everything wasn't perfectly co-ordinated or if the place cards weren't handmade. Condense your list down and don't sweat the small stuff.

Let go of traditions that don't work for you. You probably have an idea of the 'right' way to celebrate christmas that comes from childhood traditions but do they actually work for you and your family? My friend refuses to cook, spends all day in her pyjamas and has pizza for dinner and has the best time. 

Embrace the imperfection. It is natural to want the day to be perfect but demanding perfection is a form of control and that never goes well! Relax. So the kids want to decorate the tree their way, the decorations are hand made, not symmetrically hung and would never be featured in a glossy magazine. Who cares really but you?

Cheat if you want to. I used to be THE worst for having to have everything home made. Stuffing, bread sauce, you name it I would have slaved over a saucepan to create it. Now I am happy to buy store bought to make the day easier for me. I get to spend more quality time with my children and nobody notices the difference. Everyone remembers a big family meal around a table. The love, the laughter and the sharing. Nobody really actually cares whether the cranberry sauce comes out of a jar or not. 

Ditch the judgement. Your Uncle Jack is notoriously hard to buy for but you have found him the perfect gift. He opens it, frowns and places it to one side. How do you feel? Don't let the negative committee in your head tell you that you got it spectacularly wrong, that you have failed in some way or even that he is an ungrateful pig. Take a breath and move on.

Memories not material. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. It's not worth starting a new year stressed out and debt ridden. Ultimately the most important thing about the holidays is the memories you create. In ten years time your children will never remember what presents they received but they will remember the togetherness. Find perfection in the love not the stuff.

Happy holidays 

Celebrity chef turns to mindful eating

“How we prepare our food, how we consume our food really makes a difference in how our food satisfies us and shapes the role we give food in our lives. Is it something we stuff in to satisfy an urge or something we savor to feed us physically and sustain us spiritually?” Mary De Turris Poust

Celebrity Chef Heston Blumenthal's temper used to be as notorious as his food. Documented as chasing his enemies with a meat cleaver, a car and even threatening someone with a gun he admitted to suffering from fits of rage. Heston's ex-wife often urged him to seek help with his anger which he did through a therapist, a cranial osteopath and a faith healer. Unable to sustain a sense of calm Heston turned to mindfulness two years after his divorce.

Heston now says his temper is under control due to integrating mindfulness into his daily life especially at meal times. 

Heston says "Mindfulness is just brilliant. It's about being completely in the moment". He says he has not lost his temper at all since he developed a practice "not even a frown. It's like I'm a different person".

To learn how you can develop a mindfulness practice contact us.