Where would the world be?

 

I wrote a short story on my fiction blog on Saturday called 'Where would the world be,' (you can read below).

If I was granted one wish in this lifetime it would be to make people a little kinder towards each other. Often it can be hard to know how, or ever when to help but I firmly believe there are small acts of kindness we could carry out almost daily. These small acts could truly enrich the lives of others and if we all led by example and paid it forward just imagine the overall effect on humanity. but, and here's the thing, everyone needs to do something.

There are those, like Janet, in the story below, who does one thing, to validate her self worth but is blinkered when it comes to others genuinely needing a bit of support, those whose second nature it is to help whenever and wherever possible and those that rarely do anything. I like to think that those who do nothing just haven't needed a random act of kindness themselves and don't understand the huge impact they could make by carrying one out.

Kindness. Let's spread it around.

 

 

Where would the world be?

‘You are good,’ said Father Brian admiring the patchwork of colour Janet had created. Containers of sweet peas, peonies and lavender bought a warmth to the cool, dark church. ‘I wish more people were like you. The world would be a better place.’

‘I do my best,’ blushed Janet.’‘See you tomorrow Father.’

Janet turned into the High Street towards home. The sound of crying sliced through her thoughts. About 40 yards ahead of her was a lone girl of around 6, her face as pink as her torn dress. Long blonde hair hung in matted clumps around her face which was sodden with tears. Blood oozed down her leg from a cut knee, staining her white ankle sock crimson.

Janet pretended to search in her bag for something as she crossed the street. It wouldn’t do to approach a child nowadays. You could be accused of anything. Anyway, she was certain the mother would turn up soon.

Outside the chemist a man hunkered down wrapped in a grimy blanket and sheets of sorrow. His face dark with dirt and loss. A shabby cap was placed in front of him, as he tried to collect loose change and hope from a world that had turned its back long ago. Avoiding eye contact Janet stepped over his dreams of a hot dinner. What was the world coming to begging in the streets? This was England for heavens sake!

At the crossroads the Big Issue seller smiled at Janet. ‘A magazine to help the homeless?’ he proffered. Janet didn’t break her stride, her gaze fixed firmly on a spot in the distance as she bustled ahead.

Turning right into Brown Street Janet was relieved to be home. As she turned her door key she could hear the fumbling of her neighbour unlocking her door.  Stepping over her threshold Janet slammed the door behind her. Old Mrs Davies always wanted a chat. ‘It’s not my problem her husband has died and her children don’t visit’, thought Janet. ‘Besides, my programme starts in 10 minutes.’

The shrill sound of the telephone shattered the silence.

‘Hello,’

‘Hello Janet. I’ve been trying you all afternoon.’

Hello Doris. It was my afternoon for volunteering at the church, doing the flowers for the service tomorrow.’

‘You are such a good person Janet. Always thinking of others.’

‘I know. But where would the world be if we didn’t all do our bit?’

Giving while living

"If you haven't got any charity in your heart then you have the worst kind of heart trouble". Bob Hope

I love a good pay it forward story and they don't get much bigger than the phenomenal generosity of Chuck Feeny. Chuck, an Irish-American, made a fortune from duty free shopping and quietly in the 1980's began giving much of his fortune away. To date he has given an incredible $7.5 billion/£4.9 billion to good causes including health, science and education. 

"People who have money have an obligation", Chuck said. "I wouldn’t say I’m entitled to tell them what to do with it but to use it wisely".

Chuck has his feet firmly on the ground, wearing a $15 dollar watch, and made his children work to support themselves during college.

"I became convinced that there was greater satisfaction from giving my money away and seeing something come out of the ground, like a hospital or a university", he stated during an interview. "It just seemed logical to put the money to good use rather than putting it into a bank account and letting it accumulate and accumulate. I concluded that if you hung on to a piece of the action for yourself you’d always be worrying about that piece. People used to ask me how I got my jollies, and I guess I’m happy when what I’m doing is helping people and unhappy when what I’m doing isn’t helping people".

Chuck currently has around $2 million left which he plans to also donate before he dies. A great believer in 'giving while living' he says "I want the last cheque I write to bounce".

What an incredible guy. While we can't match his cash donations we can all be generous in our own way. Giving our time can be as important to the recipient as money.

Pay it forward. Be kind wherever possible; it's always possible.

Kindness breeds kindness

"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money".  

John Ruskin

You may have heard the story last month of heroically honest Billy Ray Harris. Billy Ray had been living rough in Missouri when Sarah Darling accidentally dropped her precious diamond engagement ring into his donation cup.

Although Billy Ray was broke and slept under a bridge every night he never considered selling it, and when Sarah returned 2 days later to ask if he had seen it he handed it back without hesitation.

Sarah and her husband Bill were so grateful they set up a donation page on give forward.com hoping to raise some money to help Billy Ray out.

To date the fund has received a staggering $175,000 with people all over the world donating. Kindness really does breed kindness.

Although Billy Ray is touched by the generosity he has been shown he admits that the best part has been his sister Robin being able to find him after looking for him for 16 years. He has also now reconnected with other siblings and numerous nieces and nephews.

Doing the right thing isn't always easy but if Billy Ray hadn't been so honest the family may never have reunited and you can't put a price on love.

A happy ending all round.

Be kind. Always.

The song that changed my life

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent” Victor Hugo

Have you ever had one of those lightbulb moments when in a flash something changes inside of you? I remember one I had many years ago as if it were yesterday. 

As a teenager I didn't know where I fitted in. I drifted from job to job, moving a lot, with no fixed place to call home. I didn't have a loving, supportive family to encourage my dreams. I felt I had no sense of direction, and no purpose. 

I was at a party one evening with the usual crowd I hung out with, drinking too much, happy on the surface and yet strangely empty inside. It was the same thing we did every weekend.

I became aware of the music. Dark Side of the Moon was the album playing. Pink Floyd were one of my favourite bands and I had heard this song so many times before and yet as the track 'Time' came on I found myself listening to the lyrics; really listening, as if for the very first time.

In an instant I felt illuminated from the inside out; becoming oblivious to my surroundings, unaware of any background noise.  There was just the music showing me how precious life is, how quickly it passes and imploring me to make every second count. 

I still didn't know what I wanted but suddenly I was certain of what I didn't want. I didn't want to waste my precious life. I didn't want to look back in 50 years time and not have achieved anything. I didn't want to be out getting drunk on a Saturday night years to come. 

22 years later and I took my son to the O2 Arena last week to see The Australian Pink Floyd.

As they played Time I became just as reflective as I had that evening long ago in the 1980's. The difference this time is as well as knowing what I don't want I am crystal clear on what I do want.

I am not so single visioned that I would bypass unexpected opportunities to get where I think I should be. It is important to be flexible and embrace change. I was thrown off my path rather harshly a few years ago following a car accident but I have managed to find new dreams that are now achievable for me. As long as I keep focused on all the positivity surrounding me, step by step, I will progressing in the right direction all the time.

For anyone feeling a little lost or unsure as to their direction I would really recommend grabbing a pen and making a list of what you don't want or need in your life. This can sometimes be the easiest starting point. Then remain open for all the miracles life will offer you, they're there everyday if you just look.  



Lyrics to Time, by Pink Floyd

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine
Staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun

And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to nought
Or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone
The song is over
Thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells

Coffee and a hug

"If you can dream it you can do it'.

Walt Disney

I remember once when I received some really horrible news I couldn't stand to be alone. I needed to get out of the house immediately and surround myself with my fellow man. With friends and family at work I headed out to my nearest coffee shop. I looked around at the other customers, some chatting, some reading, in groups or alone and although I was amongst a substantial amount of people I felt so incredibly lonely. It was a vast, impersonal place to be and leaving my cappucino to go cold I bolted for the sanctuary of home as fast as I could.

I was thrilled therefore to read about Tim's Place recently, the diner that offers Breakfast, Lunch and Hugs. 

Tim Harris was born in 1986 with Down Syndrome. His list of incredible achievements include receiving the highest margin of votes in his school's history to become Homecoming King, the accolade of being Student of the Year, attending University and winning dozens of gold medals as a Special Olympian.

Working as a host in a local restaurant Tim had a unique ability to genuinely connect with people and seeing this his family decided to sign a lease for their own diner.

The menu is simple, the most popular item being 'The Tim Hug', a fat free treat destined to make you feel better than any cream cake could.

I love this concept and can quite understand how Tim is building up such a loyal customer base; I only wish I lived nearer!

Be your own Valentine

"I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."  Lucille Ball 

It’s that time of year again when for every girl sat at her office desk swooning over a bouquet so large the delivery driver scarcely managed to pick it up, you bet there will be 10 other girls glowering with envy.

What is it about Valentine’s Day that can have women shivering with expectation and men shaking with fear (or vice versa)?

I have friends who totally embrace the romance and celebrate whole heartedly but also know of couples who have such wildly different ideas the day inevitably ends with one, or both parties sulking in a corner. When people can’t communicate honestly regarding their ideals and expectations is it any wonder their needs aren’t met?

I used to be the worst at this. “It’s too commercialised for me; another way of extracting money by mass producing cards and novelty gifts” is what I historically said out loud in the days leading up to the 14th. 

In reality though, when it got to the actual day I would virtually be wrestling envelopes out of the mailman’s hands searching for cards. Every time the office door opened I would pray it was a florist with flowers for me.

“You expect me to cook?” I would cry in the evening. “You could have made an effort.”

Yes, I know I was unreasonable but I wanted to feel special. Growing up in a family that never mentioned the L word, I wanted validation that I was lovable through overpriced red roses and heart shaped chocolates. What I didn’t realise was that the love I was actually lacking was self-love and no amount of cuddly bears holding balloons was going to fix that.

The first year I spent Valentine’s Day as a single adult was a revelation to me. I spent half an hour on the phone listening to my friend tell me about the love letter she had received from her boyfriend listing all the things he loved about her. When I came off the phone, fighting back tears I decided to write my own love note; to myself.

I found it painfully hard but ultimately so liberating and it is now something I do every year regardless of my relationship status. I no longer place pressure on anybody (including myself) as I know I am loved (especially by me) and worth loving. These are all signed and dated and really lovely to look back on from time to time.

This is a small excerpt from last year’s letter. 

“I love myself even though I am perfectly imperfect. I love myself even though I feel down from time to time, it’s ok to not be ok. I have total trust that I can support my own emotional and financial needs and will always take care of myself. I love the way I always try to be kind to others without sacrificing my own needs.”

Why not give it a go? If you feel really uncomfortable at the thought of doing this then it really is the perfect exercise for you.

I'm not ok (and that's ok)

Happiness can only exist in acceptance". George Orwell 

I woke up this morning, went to get out of bed and the pain was so great I virtually couldn't move.

"Are you ok" my partner asked? 

"Ummm, actually, no".

There was a time such a flare up would really have impacted upon my emotional well-being. I would be flung into a complete blind panic picturing myself never moving again resulting in my neglected children half starving in dirty clothes. 

Analysing over and over again what could have caused the set back, resisting the situation and worrying about how I would cope was absolutely the worst thing I could have done to my poor body. Heaping extra stress on already tense muscles merely exacerbated and prolonged the period of increased pain.

I would berate myself for being a burden, blame my body for not being 'normal'; not offering myself the extra love I needed to recover as quickly as possible.

Today I am perfectly calm. The timing is terrible with it being the school holidays but flexibility is paramount for a harmonious life. Realising that things happen beyond my control and it's ok not be be ok was one of the biggest lessons for me to learn, and one which took a huge amount of time.

Instead of listing all the negatives that will surround my flare up I have focused only on the positives. 

Today I am grateful for:-

1). My partner who loves me very much unconditionally.

2). My children who won't complain at a change of plans and will be happy with a day at home today.

3). To be able to do something I love (writing) without it affecting my pain levels.

4). To have money in my purse to be able to order a pizza later if needed.

5). To be sat in a warm comfortable chair looking at the snow outside. 

There is always, alway, always something to be thankful for.

6 year old sacrifices presents to benefit stray dogs

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” Dalai Lama

There has been some awesome pay it forward stories this year that I have loved sharing but this one about six year old Finlay Brooks really formed a lump in my throat.

Turning six last week he decided his birthday was too close to Christmas to possibly need anymore toys. After seeing an advert on TV for Cheshire Dog’s home he was adamant that he wanted his family and friends to all give to the dogs rather than buy him birthday presents.

His parents set up a Justgiving page for him and requested that his classmates either donate money or give dog food or blankets to the shelter.

To date this awesome youngster has raised more than £260 for the shelter and has been thrilled to be given a guided tour.

Not only was this donation phenomenal for the dogs Finlay has also shown his school friends a true selfless act of kindness. Now that’s something you can’t teach in a classroom. 

Prisoners save lives

"If you judge people you have no time to love them".  Mother Teresa.

Three brothers fell into a raging creek last week with a current so powerful they couldn't get out. 

Three inmates from a prison work crew assigned to the area jumped in without hesitation to rescue them. 

The rescuers and the boys were taken to hospital where they were treated for hypothermia, with the children thanking the men over and over again as they shivered, frightened and scared.

One of the inmates has said., “You see three helpless kids in a river, you help. That’s what you do. Just cause we’re incarcerated, doesn’t mean we’re bad people. We made some bad choices in our lives, but we’re still, we’re just like everybody else. We’re just paying our debt for what we did wrong.”

We all make mistakes in our live's; we wouldn't be human if we didn't and I'm a great believer that you shouldn't judge people by their past as they don't live there anymore. Without the actions of these three men those children may not be alive today to tell their tale.

Estella's brilliant bus

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others". Dalai Lama

I loved the recent news story of Estella Pyfrom, the retired teacher who has poured her pension and retirement money into a $900,000 mobile classroom.

Estella, from Palm Beach has driven the “Brilliant Bus” to underprivileged areas to enable children to connect to technology and help them with their homework.  Many of these children do not have access to computers at home.

“Have knowledge will travel” is Estella’s awesome strapline.

It is phenomenal that these children, who might otherwise have slipped under the radar, are being given every chance to work towards qualifications and whatever goals they may once have thought were out of reach.

This selfless act is sure to change the paths of many young people. What a beautiful lady.

A modern day hero

"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance".
Brian Tracy

You may have heard the news story this week regarding Michael Garcia, a Houston waiter who defended a 5-year-old boy with Down's syndrome.

Michael became upset when he heard a diner complaining about five year old Milo Castillo, the five year old son of a family of regulars, who has Down's syndrome. The fellow customer had already moved his table away from the Castillo's before rudely stating
"Special needs children need to be special somewhere else".

Garcia recalled the incident and his reaction in an interview with KPRC-TV.

"My personal feelings took over and I told him, 'I'm not going to be able to serve you, sir.'" Garcia continued, "He said, 'If you're not going to be able to serve us, then we'll leave.' Then I told him, 'How could you say that? How could you say that about a beautiful 5-year-old angel?'"

The disrespectful customer then left with his family.

There have been many stories this week hailing Michael a hero but sadly many others condemning the use of this word for such a 'small' action.

My understanding of a hero is; "A person, who is admired for courage or noble qualities".
In my book this describes Michael perfectly.

I believe I can fly

"Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is."
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

An experiment was carried out recently led by Dr Robin Rosenberg, from Stanford University, and documented in the online journal Public Library of Science.

Volunteered completed missions, via virtual reality equipment, with some participants being given the superpower of flight.

After their virtual reality experience, the participants were all seated waiting to go when the researcher (as was prearranged) knocked over a large cup of pens. Interestingly the people who sprang forward to help her pick them up were the people who had believed they could fly through their googles.

The scientists have said that one possible explanation was that playing the role of Superman in virtual reality led players to ‘think’ like superheroes, making them keen to help someone in difficulty.

It was written "Because the participants in the flying conditions were given a superhuman ability, cognitive (thinking) channels linking 'super' activity (and related concepts and stereotypes) to heroism and helping behaviour may have been opened, which would then influence their decision to help".

Visualisation is such a cool concept and the subject of many studies. From athletes using it to enhance their performance to students thinking their way to better grades, a few minutes positive thinking a day can help you achieve your goals.

For some tips on creating the life you really want using visualisation as one of the tools check out my previous article; All I want to manifest is ice cream

The Poorest President

 “He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature”. Socrates

President Mujica could be living in a luxury home that the Uruguayan state provides for its leaders and living a privileged life of wealth that many of us can only dream of. Instead Jose Mujica chooses to live on a tumbledown old farm where the only source of water is an outside well and give away 90% of his salary (equivalent to $12,000 (£7,500) to charity.

By donating this amount to good causes he lives on the average Uruguayan income of $775, £485 per month.

"I've lived like this most of my life," he says.

Mujica spend 14 years in jail after spending the 1960s and 1970s as part of the Uruguayan guerrilla Tupamaros, a leftist armed group inspired by the Cuban revolution. 

Most of his detention was spent in isolation, until he was freed in 1985 when Uruguay returned to democracy.

Those harsh conditions helped define Mujica. 

"I'm called 'the poorest president', but I don't feel poor. Poor people are those who only work to try to keep an expensive lifestyle, and always want more and more," he says.

"This is a matter of freedom. If you don't have many possessions then you don't need to work all your life like a slave to sustain them, and therefore you have more time for yourself," he says.

"I may appear to be an eccentric old man... But this is a free choice."

The Uruguayan leader made a similar point when he addressed the Rio+20 summit in June this year: "We've been talking all afternoon about sustainable development. To get the masses out of poverty. But what are we thinking? Do we want the model of development and consumption of the rich countries? I ask you now: what would happen to this planet if Indians would have the same proportion of cars per household than Germans? How much oxygen would we have left”?

"Does this planet have enough resources so seven or eight billion can have the same level of consumption and waste that today is seen in rich societies? It is this level of hyper-consumption that is harming our planet."

Mujica accuses most world leaders of having a "blind obsession to achieve growth with consumption, as if the contrary would mean the end of the world".

Like many leaders not all of his policies are welcomed and supported but I think we could all learn an awful lot from this selfless and inspirational man. 

It's snow joke

Where I live in the UK today there is heavy snow and ice. Beautiful to look but it can severely affect the lives of many.

It’s not just the elderly we need to be mindful of in adverse winter conditions, (although we should care whatever the weather), anybody with a physical impairment can find themselves housebound. Prosthetic limbs do not cope well on slippery surfaces. Wheelchair wheels cannot grip. Sufferers of lung conditions struggle to breathe in the cold air. Walking sticks become unstable. The list could go on and on.

Driving back from my physiotherapy today we passed a lady struggling to self-propel in her wheelchair. We stopped the car and offered her a lift which she accepted. It didn’t take long to fold up her chair and drive her where she needed to be.

To encourage my children to think of ways they can brighten someone’s day we now have a book in the kitchen where they can record any random acts of kindness they carry out.  They have volunteered to shovel the snow from the drives at the old people’s bungalows near us.

I don’t want it to become competitive but believe awareness is the first step towards a better world. All we can do is pay it forward one step at a time. Kindness is contagious. Be a carrier. 

Louise xx

A generous gift

“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love”. Henry Drummond

You are probably getting to know by now that I love the whole concept of Paying it Forward. My motto has always been “Be Kind” and nothing makes me happier than hearing about random acts of giving.

I was thrilled to be able to blog about Tony Tolbert last week, the 51 year old lawyer who donated his furnished house, rent free, to a homeless family for a year. Less than a week later I am excited to share another beautiful story with you. It looks like 2013 may be the year for selfless acts.

Dick Hannah Toyota Dealership in Washington have publicly shared that an ex-military couple recently visited their showroom after inheriting a modest amount of money. They cash purchased a Toyota Sienna minivan and donated it to Paul Meyer, a police officer who was paralysed from the waist down when a tree fell on him during a training accident last November.

The purchaser, who wishes to remain anonymous, had spoken to Paul briefly during a traffic stop and when he recognised him from a TV report decided he would like to do something to improve the life of Paul and his family.  The car was titled in the name of Paul Meyer and parked in his driveway.

To keep the spirit of paying it forward going the dealership, alongside Toyota, are not only funding all future maintenance bills on the vehicle but have also donated £10,000 to a charity chosen by the nameless purchaser. In this case a fund that assists wounded marines.

Wow. It is humbling to hear of two such huge random acts of kindness in less than a week. Keep it going, no matter what you do, do it with kindness.

Louise xx

An epic pay it forward

I read a news story today that filled me with such a warm fuzzy feeling I wanted to share it with those of you who may not have heard it.

Tony Tolbert, a 51 year old Lawyer in Los Angeles, moved back home with his mum so he could offer his furnished home, rent free for a year, to a homeless family he had never met before. Tony visited a shelter and met Felicia Dukes the lucky recipient of this generous offer. Felicia lived at the shelter with three of her children but the eldest was deemed too old to stay with them.

Growing up Tony's father, Jimmy, always helped people where he could, often offering a spare bed to those who needed it.

"You don't have to be Bill Gates or Warren Buffet or Oprah," Tony said. "We can do it wherever we are, with whatever we have, and for me, I have a home that I can make available."

On hearing the news Felicia recalls "They had a young man that wanted to donate their house to you for a year, and I'm like, what? Like -- Are you serious? My heart just fills up and stuff, um....I'm just really happy".

Tony Tolbert talked to the media about the life lessons he learned from his father, who is now suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.

"Kindness creates kindness. Generosity creates generosity. Love creates love," he said. "And I think if we can share some of that and have more stories about people doing nice things for other people, and fewer stories about people doing horrible things to other people, that's a better world".

How completely awesome is that?

Before you dismiss it as a lovely story but not something you could ever do, take a second to think about it. If you have food to eat and somewhere to sleep you probably have all that you actually need, anything else is a bonus.

Embracing the concept of gratitude fully, and practicing it every day, enables you to open heartedly start sharing the love. Many of us pay it forward everyday without consciously realising it. Imagine what could happen if we consciously tried to do something on a regular basis too? Although it may seem impossible to carry out an act on the scale of Tony Tolbert's don't underestimate anything you can do. What would seemingly seem a small thing to you can make a huge difference to someone's life.

Regardless of your personal or financial situation love and a smile are two things you can share at the very least.

Be kind.

Louise xx

If you pay it forward in some way or hear of any similar stories please post on our pay it forward thread http://www.thehappystarfish.com/community.html or our our Facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/happystarfishpublishing

The only New Years Resolution you will EVER need

It's that crazy time of year again when lists are made with often unachievable, sometimes downright ridiculous goals.

Three people I know have already decided on theirs. One is currently eating through the Christmas food like there is a famine approaching so she can start a diet on January 1st, another has signed up to a gym but she doesn't want to actually start until New Year (although she has bought all the kit), and the third is "absolutely, definitely" going to give up smoking this year "for sure".

Sound familiar?

How often have you made a resolution only to break it and subsequently feel negatively about yourself? Why not try something different this year?

Although I don't really condone New Years Resolutions (why delay feeling happy until you are thinner/fitter/healthier etc?) if you want to make one, try this:-

"Be Kind"

Yep, it really is that simple. Be kind to yourself. If you need to change your diet, improve your fitness, give up smoking etc by all means try. That's being kind to yourself. However, if it doesn't work out don't be hard on yourself. You are not a failure. Be Kind.

Someone treating you not in a way you would choose to be treated? Be Kind. You don't know what's going on with them, and you are not a mind reader so don't second guess. Everyone has their own story to tell and we all could benefit from some kindness, always.

You can Be Kind, to anyone, in any situation but most of all, remember to apply it to yourself. Kindness flows into gratitude which transmutes into love. What more do we actually need?

If everyone used this as their New Years Resolution how lovely the world would be.

Happy New Year.

Louise xx

Don't limit kindness

Today I was fully intending to write a post centred around the fact it is World Kindness Day and suggestions of small things we could incorporate into our day to pay it forward.

However my partner and I decided to treat ourselves to lunch out after I had a rather stressful hospital appointment and met up with some good friends for a couple of hours of, what I hoped would be, lighthearted conversation and laughter.

Tragically someone decided to take their own life in the shopping centre we were at and after being evacuated we came home suitably subdued.

Although I didn't know this lady I feel such a huge sense of loss and sadness that someone can feel that despairing, that lonely despite being in a public place they feel suicide is their only option. I send sincere condolences to the friends, family and anybody touched by today's tragedy.

World Kindness Day is a beautiful concept but let's not do a good deed on a certain date and think that's enough. If we all consciously think of ways to pay it forward, it could become second nature. It can be easy to be so focused on our own 'stuff' we often don't see things right in front of us. With love, kindness and compassion we really can make a change.

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Privacy Vs Secrecy

I have always been quite a shy and private person. To be marketing The Happy Starfish the way I am at the moment is a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Appearing so publicly through my writing, the website and social networking initially made me feel very exposed and quite vulnerable but I have so much belief in the messages we are trying to spread I have no doubt I am doing the right thing.  The Happy Starfish contains a huge piece of my heart and I hope that is apparent through everything I do. If I can help one person cope with their physical or emotional pain, the way I have learnt to cope with mine, everything will be worthwhile.

I have felt a massive shift lately. The more and more transparent I get the bigger the sense of freedom I feel. There is a huge difference between privacy and secrecy and that has been a big lesson I have had to learn. It would have been ok had I not wanted to talk about my disability for privacies sake. But secrecy is something very different entirely and predominantly fear led. Keeping a secret is about hiding something from the world, separating yourself, and that takes a lot of energy. I had tried to keep my physical health hidden as, ultimately, I realise now I felt ashamed my body no longer functioned in the way I thought it should.

It is perfectly ok to be private but to lay yourself open sometimes takes courage but when there is nothing left to keep hidden, nothing to fear, it can be one of the most loving and liberating things you can do for yourself.

The next time you find yourself not wanting to reveal things it may be worth questioning. Do you want to keep it a secret and if so what do you fear?

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Belonging

I am currently away, staying with relatives in the middle of the beautiful countryside. The scenery here is stunning and it's easy to relax amongst horses, dogs and a token cat. Out of my normal routine I have lots of time to meditate and contemplate. I feel at peace here but know it is only a temporary visit. This is not where I belong but where is?

I sold my house earlier this year. After 20 years of being on the property ladder it is quite a strange feeling not to 'own' (aka owing the bank a huge sum of money) anything.

On one hand it is quite liberating to have no real ties, no commitment and to be free to go wherever I choose. On the other it can be really unsettling. As a mother I want a safe nest for my children who need some stability.

The best thing I can show them in life is that the biggest foundation, the only foundation, for building a true home is love. Releasing attachment to possessions can be one of the hardest lessons to learn, but once you understand, really understand with your heart, you can start to release the need for the 'stuff'.

Without craving the next thing or letting what you own define who you are, you naturally start to practice gratitude for all the small, organic things surrounding you. This feeling then easily makes the transition into love, which, after all, is all you need.

I hope my children can make their transition into adulthood secure in the knowledge that although circumstances change, 'things' are just temporary, happiness, real happiness can only every come from within.

Then I will be happy to watch them fly off into the world knowing that wherever they settle they will always have a 'home' straight from the heart.

Spreading the love

Louise xx