The king and his sons

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others". Peace Pilgrim

I want to share the story of a king who had 3 sons. The first was handsome and very popular. When he was 21, his father built a palace in the city for him. The second son was intelligent and also very popular. When he became 21, his father built a palace in the city for him as well. The third son, neither handsome nor intelligent, was unfriendly and unpopular. When he was 21 the king’s counselors said: “there is no further room in the city. Have a palace built outside the city for your son. You can have it built so it will be strong. You can send some of your guards to prevent it being attacked by the ruffians who live outside the city walls”. So the king built such a palace and sent some of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later, the son sent a message to his father. “I cannot live here. The ruffians are too strong”. So the counsellors said, “build another palace bigger and stronger and 20 miles away from the city and the ruffians. With more soldiers, it will easily be able to withstand attacks from the nomadic tribes that pass that way”. So the king built such a palace and sent 100 of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later, a message came from the son: “I cannot live here the tribes are too strong”. So the counsellors said “Build a castle, a large castle 100 miles away. It will be big enough to house 500 soldiers and strong enough to withstand attacks from the people who live over the border”. So the king built such a castle and sent 500 of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later the son sent another message to the king. “Father the attacks of the neighbouring people are too strong. They have attacked twice and if they attack a third time I fear for my life and the lives of your soldiers”.

And the King said to his counsellors “let him come home and he can live in the palace with me. For it is better that I learn to live my son than spend all the energy and resources of my kingdom keeping him at a distance”.

I love this story. We expel so much energy sometimes fighting against things that aren't exactly as we think they should be causing us huge amounts of physical and emotional stress. Learning the art of acceptance and allowing brings a sense of freedom, improving our health and well-being. After all 'what we resist, persists'. The easiest way to learn to let go of the idea that things need to be different, to stop wanting to fix,change and improve things is through meditation. Are you ready to let this moment be enough?

Meditation, why bother?

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”  Thich Nhat Hanh

I was speaking to a friend last week about meditation. “I can’t be bothered”, she said. “There are so many other, more enjoyable things to do”. Continuing the conversation it became clear that she filled her spare time mainly with tv and reading.  I wouldn’t criticise anyones lifestyle choices, if you have something that makes you happy then great. 

I find though we sometimes use many of our activities as a temporary distraction technique, trying to focus on something, anything, to keep our thoughts at bay. This works to an extent but awareness always creeps in when we least expect or want it. That stomach churning feeling that randomly occurs halfway through our favourite tv programme, when we start thinking about what we have to do the next day, or out enjoying time with friends when we inexplicably start worrying about the bills. That nagging, gnawing feeling that something’s missing, just won’t go away, no matter how much we try to feed it with material possessions or divert our attention away from it.

We all experience life’s highs and lows and it is natural to want to chase the highs. We may embark on a new relationship, change job and for a while feel all is well. We either relax and enjoy that feeling or experience an undercurrent of “this won’t last”, “I don’t deserve this”. Then when the temporary feeling of euphoria does gradually fade away becoming a memory, what next?

We can find ourselves back on the periphery of happiness waiting until things are fixed, changed or improved to get better again. We get caught in the cycle of “when .......... happens I will be happy”. Always waiting, life becomes a perpetual struggle.

We are not born with these feelings of dissatisfaction. They build up bit by bit gradually consuming us and disconnecting us from our conscious awareness, the inner peace that’s always present that we have forgotten we have. Rumi said “we wander from room to room searching for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck”. Call off the search; we are what we seek.

Over time we have constructed a set of conditioned responses we call upon in every situation. When an event happens we label good we fruitlessly try to hang on to that feeling. When a situation we deem bad arises we resist and try to push it away causing us untold stress. We impossibly only want the good. The truth is we are human beings not human doings and we have gotten so busy doing that many of us forget to just Be.

Life is subject to flux. It’s beautifully wild, uncontrollable and ever changing. Recognising that the only thing we can realistically control in the long term is where we focus our attention is the first step on the peace path. 

Through a regular meditation practice  it is possible to change your relationship with your mind, dispelling the negativity enabling you to reconnect to the ever loving, still, silent space within.

Try the following simple meditation: - 

1. Be comfortable, ideally sitting upright on the floor or a chair with your spine as straight as possible. If you have a health condition that makes this posture uncomfortable find a position that works for you.
2. Allow your attention to focus on your breath. This could be the air coming in and out of your nostrils or your chest or abdomen gently rising and falling.
3. Feel each in breath and out breath whilst breathing naturally - you do not need to consciously slow down your breathing.
4. When you notice you have been off thinking (which you will, this is perfectly natural) gently return your focus to the breath without judgement. (It is important to understand that everyone has thoughts when they meditate, it doesn’t make you ‘bad’ at meditating or mean it isn’t working for you).
5. Repeat this cycle for at least 10 minutes every day. Each time you meditate it will be different so start each session with no pre-conceived expectations.

So why bother? Well for me it has really cleansed my thought process. Any fear, jealousy and anxiety has been replaced by a sustainable feeling of completeness. I feel an inner serenity that’s always with me. Ultimately the only way you can find out is by giving it a go yourself.

To attend a meditation workshop or receive one to one coaching and support (also available via Skype) contact me. Next workshop date 13th July, Northamptonshire.

Ahoy there Comfort Zone

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. Neale Donald Walsch

Earlier this year I decided to train as meditation teacher with Sandy Newbigging who Yoga Magazine hails as “one of the best meditation teachers around’. 

I am passionate about meditation, and having trained with Sandy a couple of years previously in the Mind Detox Method I knew that Mind Calm Meditation would fit beautifully into my practice. Both use astonishingly simple but life changing techniques that I have benefited from on a personal level and was eager to be able to share these. 

I have spent the early part of the year completing the coursework, case studies and exam and then came the attendance week. (Pause for dramatic effect). Dum, dum, dummm.

Knowing that this course is aimed at people wanting to teach groups I knew that it would entail vast amounts of public speaking. I had previously believed that I would rather gauge my eyeballs out than stand up and talk to a group, and, with a week of doing just this in the pipeline I had deliberated long and hard about whether to attend.

My desire to spread the love and have others join me on the peace path outweighed my sheer terror and with trepidation I packed up, hugged my children like I might never see them again and headed off with a heavy heart.

When I got to the course venue I realised I was so far out of my comfort zone I couldn’t even see it. But you know what? Contrary to the voices in my head informing me of a million possible outcomes I didn’t faint, vomit or indeed die. 

In terms of personal growth this course was invaluable. In stepping out of my comfort zone I have expanded into a place of quiet confidence. Have I conquered my biggest fear? Who knows? I have three public talks booked in the next few weeks and I will use the techniques I have learnt through this course to enable me to detach completely from the voices in my head telling me I can’t. Umm I think I have just proved that I can thank you.

I am optimistic that I will rise to each challenge as it presents itself and slowly the unknown and frightening will transmute into exciting and exhilarating before settling into the familiar.

For me, as always, it’s the knowing. The reassuring knowing that I have a choice. I could have chosen not to do this and that would have been ok. But I did do it and that was ok too. I am now happy to remain on the periphery of my comfort zone while I wait for the next challenge to show itself, to which I will say “Bring it on” and jump in feet first.

To find out more about Mind Detox, Mind Calm or to book a coaching session with me (also available via Skype), contact me.

10 reasons you should be K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1.  Kissing increases the body’s level of ocytocin (a natural calming chemical) which reduces anxiety. 

2.  Kissing can equate to a surgery free face lift tightening 30 muscles each time you lock lips.

3.  Kissing can burn off 2-6 calories a minute; not much? Depends how long you smooch for.

4.  Kissing makes us feel desirable thus increasing our self-esteem.

5.  Kissing can boost immunity, the bugs swapped from mouth to mouth makes our immune systems more resilient.

6.  Kissing increases endorphins which fight pain, along with making you feel happy.

7.  Kissing relieves stress by lowering your body’s stress hormone (cortisol).

8.  Kissing creates adrenaline which causes your heart to pump more blood around your body making it great for cardiovascular health.

9.  Kissing for thirty minutes of reduces levels of IgE (an allergy antibody) increasing your body’s resistance.

10. Kissing, as all the best things in life, is free :-)

Kindness breeds kindness

"A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money".  

John Ruskin

You may have heard the story last month of heroically honest Billy Ray Harris. Billy Ray had been living rough in Missouri when Sarah Darling accidentally dropped her precious diamond engagement ring into his donation cup.

Although Billy Ray was broke and slept under a bridge every night he never considered selling it, and when Sarah returned 2 days later to ask if he had seen it he handed it back without hesitation.

Sarah and her husband Bill were so grateful they set up a donation page on give forward.com hoping to raise some money to help Billy Ray out.

To date the fund has received a staggering $175,000 with people all over the world donating. Kindness really does breed kindness.

Although Billy Ray is touched by the generosity he has been shown he admits that the best part has been his sister Robin being able to find him after looking for him for 16 years. He has also now reconnected with other siblings and numerous nieces and nephews.

Doing the right thing isn't always easy but if Billy Ray hadn't been so honest the family may never have reunited and you can't put a price on love.

A happy ending all round.

Be kind. Always.

Good, bad, who knows?

“Sometimes not getting what you think you want is the biggest stroke of luck”.

I had what I perceived to be a terrible day yesterday. I was left feeling extremely hurt, confused and bitterly disappointed.

I threw myself a mini pity party last night and when a friend asked me how I was, without hesitation I told him “I have had a really bad day”.

“No you haven’t” he replied “there’s no such thing as good or bad, it’s just your perception making it so”.

Hmmm, I pondered for a second. “That’s very wise, where did you get that from?” I asked.

I had to laugh when he told me I had said it in an interview I had carried out a few weeks ago.

It’s true that although we can know all the elements that, when fit together, would make life forever peaceful, we all occasionally need a gentle reminder of how to actually live them.

The good/bad/who knows analogy is one I often tell myself at the time my mind races off to create its own story in a knee-jerk reaction to a specific event. It brings me back to my centre and releases any judgement, allowing me the freedom to just let things Be, without labels.

A farmer had one old horse that he used for tilling his fields. One day the horse escaped into the hills and when all the farmer’s neighbors heard about it, they sympathised with the old man over his bad luck. “Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?” said the farmer.

A week later, the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills and this time the neighbours congratulated the farmer on his good luck. “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” said the farmer.

Then, when the farmer’s son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone agreed that this was very bad luck. Not the farmer, who replied, “Bad Luck? Good luck? Who knows?”

Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and forced every able-bodied young man to go fight in a bloody war. When they saw that the farmer’s son had a broken leg, they let him stay. Everyone was very happy at the farmer’s good luck.

Makes you think doesn’t it? Now go back to a time where this could have applied to you. Where eventually you could see that not getting what you thought you wanted ended up being a relief. Next time something happens that you instantly label as ‘bad” remember this and don’t feel down; give it time. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Be your own Valentine

"I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."  Lucille Ball 

It’s that time of year again when for every girl sat at her office desk swooning over a bouquet so large the delivery driver scarcely managed to pick it up, you bet there will be 10 other girls glowering with envy.

What is it about Valentine’s Day that can have women shivering with expectation and men shaking with fear (or vice versa)?

I have friends who totally embrace the romance and celebrate whole heartedly but also know of couples who have such wildly different ideas the day inevitably ends with one, or both parties sulking in a corner. When people can’t communicate honestly regarding their ideals and expectations is it any wonder their needs aren’t met?

I used to be the worst at this. “It’s too commercialised for me; another way of extracting money by mass producing cards and novelty gifts” is what I historically said out loud in the days leading up to the 14th. 

In reality though, when it got to the actual day I would virtually be wrestling envelopes out of the mailman’s hands searching for cards. Every time the office door opened I would pray it was a florist with flowers for me.

“You expect me to cook?” I would cry in the evening. “You could have made an effort.”

Yes, I know I was unreasonable but I wanted to feel special. Growing up in a family that never mentioned the L word, I wanted validation that I was lovable through overpriced red roses and heart shaped chocolates. What I didn’t realise was that the love I was actually lacking was self-love and no amount of cuddly bears holding balloons was going to fix that.

The first year I spent Valentine’s Day as a single adult was a revelation to me. I spent half an hour on the phone listening to my friend tell me about the love letter she had received from her boyfriend listing all the things he loved about her. When I came off the phone, fighting back tears I decided to write my own love note; to myself.

I found it painfully hard but ultimately so liberating and it is now something I do every year regardless of my relationship status. I no longer place pressure on anybody (including myself) as I know I am loved (especially by me) and worth loving. These are all signed and dated and really lovely to look back on from time to time.

This is a small excerpt from last year’s letter. 

“I love myself even though I am perfectly imperfect. I love myself even though I feel down from time to time, it’s ok to not be ok. I have total trust that I can support my own emotional and financial needs and will always take care of myself. I love the way I always try to be kind to others without sacrificing my own needs.”

Why not give it a go? If you feel really uncomfortable at the thought of doing this then it really is the perfect exercise for you.

Estella's brilliant bus

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others". Dalai Lama

I loved the recent news story of Estella Pyfrom, the retired teacher who has poured her pension and retirement money into a $900,000 mobile classroom.

Estella, from Palm Beach has driven the “Brilliant Bus” to underprivileged areas to enable children to connect to technology and help them with their homework.  Many of these children do not have access to computers at home.

“Have knowledge will travel” is Estella’s awesome strapline.

It is phenomenal that these children, who might otherwise have slipped under the radar, are being given every chance to work towards qualifications and whatever goals they may once have thought were out of reach.

This selfless act is sure to change the paths of many young people. What a beautiful lady.

Lessons from a robot

"Once you have learned to love you will have learned to live".

My dad, who is 66, is so conscientious he has never had a day off work (other than annual leave) in his whole life. Even if he feels under the weather he goes in as he worries about letting people down.

I was really shocked to receive a phone call from his boss this lunchtime to say he hadn't turned up and they couldn't reach him on the phone. Naturally they realised this was really out of character and were worried. Thus commenced a frantic half hour trying to trace him (he is fine) but my heart rate is still returning to normal.

I had watched the Transformers movie not long ago with my son and Optimus Prime said "the greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how they love them while they're alive". I instantly loved this quote and it made me wonder when I had last told my family and friends how much they mean to me. I mentally resolved to remedy this as soon as I could. With some people it was easy to have a hug and tell them how important they are to me, but with other, non tactile friends, I have to admit I didn't say anything as I felt, well, slightly ridiculous. What this afternoon has taught me though is that it is ridiculous not to express how you really feel while you have the chance, as ultimately we never know when we may get another opportunity.

So if any of this resonates with you please seize the moment and be honest about how you feel. If we are lucky enough to feel love and gratitude we should shout it from the rooftops.

What's your 'prozac playlist'?

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”.

Bob Marley

I have always loved music, indeed I wrote an article a while back explaining why I incorporate sound healing into my practice, (http://www.thehappystarfish.com/health002.html). 

 I enjoy nothing more than curling up and listening to songs that transport me off to another place. As an artist, it must be phenomenal to be able to touch people with lyrics and melodies. To provoke such deep emotion that you can gently guide people through their best and worst times offering joy, comfort and understanding amazingly all through a cd.

I adore tunes that evoke happy memories, in a flash I can be experiencing the same feelings I felt when I was on holiday or with my family, just by selecting a track associated with that time.

Neuroscientist, Dr Jack Lewis has recently conducted research into why particular songs make us happy for an online streaming site, finding high pitched voices are best at boosting our mood.  He looked for music that stimulates the limbic and reward systems - areas of the brain responsible for generating emotions and sensations of pleasure, and looked for songs that invigorate both these areas.

Dr Lewis came up with the ultimate feel good playlist (below) for a natural high.

THE 'PROZAC PLAYLIST'

·         Prince - Sexy Dancer

·         BB King - Let The Good Times Roll

·         Beachboys - Surfing USA

·         Curtis Mayfield - Victory -

·         Norman Jay remix

·         Bob Marley - Three Little Birds

·         Muddy Waters - Got My Mojo Working

·         Boney M - Sunny

·         The Darkness - I Believe In a Thing called Love

·         Scissor Sisters - Take Your Mama

·         Outkast - Hey Ya

·         Future heads - Acapella

·         Harder Better Faster - Daft Punk

·         M People - Moving on Up

·         Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture

I am going to be going through my cd’s later to make up my own playlist of songs that I know always put a smile on my face.

We all have at least one song that has a positive effect on us. ELO Mr Blue Skies is mine, what’s yours?

Pursue your passion

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you”.   

Oprah Winfrey

Having moved to a new town where I don’t know anyone I made the brave decision to gatecrash the local creative writers’ group last night.

As soon as I arrived I instantly knew I would really like these people, and not just because they meet in a pub regularly.

When you have a passion for something it lights you up from the inside out. These people weren’t just looking for a hobby to pass the time; they had a genuine love for their craft. I watched them animatedly discussing their latest ideas, with big smiles and shining eyes and couldn’t help feeling totally relaxed, despite them all being strangers (or friends I hadn’t yet met before?).

I am relatively new to writing. Some of you know I started after I lost my mobility and needed a hobby to pass the time. It’s now something I incorporate into my life almost daily and has replaced the sports I used to play yet still leaves me feeling fulfilled.

I think it’s so important to have something that’s just ‘ours’ in this world. It’s a busy old life, especially for those of us with families, and sometimes it can feel we are being pulled in all directions. Pursuing your passion keeps you grounded, combats anxiety and depression and instills a sense of purpose. Experiencing such intense emotion about a specific part of your life can’t help but encourage positivity in other areas too.

If you can’t think of anything you love to do think back to when you were a child. Did you love playdoh, making models? Could you transfer that to a creative hobby now? My son used to love spending time outdoors in his tent and is now a keen nature photograph.

We all have our ‘thing’. Something that excites us, and makes our heart sing.  Have you found yours?

An epic pay it forward

I read a news story today that filled me with such a warm fuzzy feeling I wanted to share it with those of you who may not have heard it.

Tony Tolbert, a 51 year old Lawyer in Los Angeles, moved back home with his mum so he could offer his furnished home, rent free for a year, to a homeless family he had never met before. Tony visited a shelter and met Felicia Dukes the lucky recipient of this generous offer. Felicia lived at the shelter with three of her children but the eldest was deemed too old to stay with them.

Growing up Tony's father, Jimmy, always helped people where he could, often offering a spare bed to those who needed it.

"You don't have to be Bill Gates or Warren Buffet or Oprah," Tony said. "We can do it wherever we are, with whatever we have, and for me, I have a home that I can make available."

On hearing the news Felicia recalls "They had a young man that wanted to donate their house to you for a year, and I'm like, what? Like -- Are you serious? My heart just fills up and stuff, um....I'm just really happy".

Tony Tolbert talked to the media about the life lessons he learned from his father, who is now suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.

"Kindness creates kindness. Generosity creates generosity. Love creates love," he said. "And I think if we can share some of that and have more stories about people doing nice things for other people, and fewer stories about people doing horrible things to other people, that's a better world".

How completely awesome is that?

Before you dismiss it as a lovely story but not something you could ever do, take a second to think about it. If you have food to eat and somewhere to sleep you probably have all that you actually need, anything else is a bonus.

Embracing the concept of gratitude fully, and practicing it every day, enables you to open heartedly start sharing the love. Many of us pay it forward everyday without consciously realising it. Imagine what could happen if we consciously tried to do something on a regular basis too? Although it may seem impossible to carry out an act on the scale of Tony Tolbert's don't underestimate anything you can do. What would seemingly seem a small thing to you can make a huge difference to someone's life.

Regardless of your personal or financial situation love and a smile are two things you can share at the very least.

Be kind.

Louise xx

If you pay it forward in some way or hear of any similar stories please post on our pay it forward thread http://www.thehappystarfish.com/community.html or our our Facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/happystarfishpublishing

Love shines on in New Delhi

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive". Dalai Lama

I was shocked and saddened to read of the gang rape and murder of a student on a moving bus in New Delhi recently. The sheer magnitude of terror this poor girl and her boyfriend must have experienced is incomprehensible. Such brutality is unfathomable and I send my deepest condolences to their family and friends.

On Thursday a group of 600 guitarists joined together to play "Imagine" by John Lennon. The anthem for Peace, Love and Hope.

The group assembled at a music festival in the eastern Indian hilltown of Darjeeling on Thursday, nearly three weeks after the senseless act brought an outpouring of national anger.

Sonam Bhutia, tourism secretary of Darjeeling and one of the festival organisers is quoted by the media as saying "We chose this song because it talks about hope, peace and promise. The song is so inspiring. It talks about a universe without any boundaries. The tribute was a gesture on our part to show that we are with the victim's family in their hour of unimaginable sorrow".

Whatever tragedies befall upon us, Love can always find a way to shine through.

I choose to forgive

“Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself”.

I have just had a horrible experience.

Going out with my son for the first time in his new car (he has just passed his driving test) we parked in a disabled bay (using my eligibility badge) only to have a complete stranger come and shout at us aggressively that we shouldn’t be there.

I don’t “look” disabled apparently and if I was I would be unable to stand at all.

He then started taking photos of us and of the car and filming us. His idea was to intimidate and to a point, it worked. I wanted to remove my son from the situation as quickly as possible. Naturally he was upset knowing what I have been through health-wise and wanted to stick up for me.

So what can you do when someone intentionally tries to ruin your day?

I had various options. I could have shouted back, tried to justify myself, let my son deal with him, got upset or, as I have in the past, felt ashamed of my disability and let an experience like this put me off going out at all.

Instead I choose to forgive him. Yes he was rude, misinformed, judgemental and ignorant but this will have a greater impact on him throughout his life, far greater than he had on mine today.

Forgiveness ensures that I can let this experience go and not harbour any negative feelings surrounding it. It was unpleasant but no amount of lamenting can change it. By forgiving this man I am also forgiving myself for not reacting in a different way. I know that not dwelling on what I could of or should have done or said is far better for my emotional and physical health.

Holding on to anger and bitterness will, eventually manifest itself physically. By embracing forgiveness I am also embracing love, peace and all things good. Leaving me free to continue travelling along the road to healing unhindered. 

It is a shame that people aren’t always as compassionate and open as we would hope them to be. All I can continue to do is to treat people with the same love and respect I would like to be shown.

Be kind. Always.

Louise xx

Not everyone is celebrating

"Happy New Year".

Three little words that have appeared with alarming regularity in my social network feeds today. Many people have plans and have started partying already. If you are one of them, I hope you have a good night.

What of those though who haven't had such a great year? Those who have lost someone they love, be it through a passing or the end of a relationship and can't see a reason to celebrate?

I have been in this position and it can feel incredibly lonely and isolating watching (seemingly) the entire world celebrate and yet feeling separate from it yourself.

If it's your first New Year without a special someone in your life be gentle with yourself. Do what feels right to you and don't feel guilty about it. If you want to be alone don't let anyone tell you that's wrong. It can be the loneliest feeling in the world sometimes to be surrounded be people.

If someone special has passed this year, honour them by raising a glass and toasting their memory. Know they would want you to go on and be happy. To live your life to the fullest.

If you are lucky enough not to have had a loss this year be mindful of those who have. A quick phone call to let someone know they are being thought of can mean so much.

Unfortunately we don't all get the opportunity to see 2013 but for those that do allow yourself to be loved, by others and, most most importantly yourself. Treasure those who are important to you and don't put off saying what is in your heart until a "better" time. There might not be another time.

I wish each and everyone of you a Peaceful and Loving New Year.

The only New Years Resolution you will EVER need

It's that crazy time of year again when lists are made with often unachievable, sometimes downright ridiculous goals.

Three people I know have already decided on theirs. One is currently eating through the Christmas food like there is a famine approaching so she can start a diet on January 1st, another has signed up to a gym but she doesn't want to actually start until New Year (although she has bought all the kit), and the third is "absolutely, definitely" going to give up smoking this year "for sure".

Sound familiar?

How often have you made a resolution only to break it and subsequently feel negatively about yourself? Why not try something different this year?

Although I don't really condone New Years Resolutions (why delay feeling happy until you are thinner/fitter/healthier etc?) if you want to make one, try this:-

"Be Kind"

Yep, it really is that simple. Be kind to yourself. If you need to change your diet, improve your fitness, give up smoking etc by all means try. That's being kind to yourself. However, if it doesn't work out don't be hard on yourself. You are not a failure. Be Kind.

Someone treating you not in a way you would choose to be treated? Be Kind. You don't know what's going on with them, and you are not a mind reader so don't second guess. Everyone has their own story to tell and we all could benefit from some kindness, always.

You can Be Kind, to anyone, in any situation but most of all, remember to apply it to yourself. Kindness flows into gratitude which transmutes into love. What more do we actually need?

If everyone used this as their New Years Resolution how lovely the world would be.

Happy New Year.

Louise xx

Never judge a book by its cover

A few months ago I had a rare evening out with my partner at the theatre.  We managed to park directly outside the door and as I knew our seats were not far away I decided to be brave and leave my crutches in the car to save cluttering up the aisle.  Holding onto his arm for support we made it to our seats and for 45 minutes I completely immersed myself in the ballet and pushed my pain to the back of my mind.  During the interval I decided I needed the toilet. My partner helped me to the disabled toilet on our floor as all other toilets were down two flights of stairs.  When I came out however, there were two elderly women with walking sticks who took one look at me, jumped to completely the wrong conclusion and severely reprimanded me for having the gall to use the disabled toilets when there was obviously nothing wrong with me.  Assuming these ladies were not super-grannies withx-ray vision to see my bones, or psychic powers to sense my pain levels how could they possibly know what is or isn’t wrong with me?

Now I admit I am a rather funky looking (if I do say so myself) mum with nothing noticeably wrong with me.  I have all limbs, no disfigurements and am young, oh ok, youngish. If I am not in my wheelchair or using crutches no-one would guess I have any health problems.  However it both astonishes and dismays methat people can be so judgmental towards those with 'hidden' disabilities. 

Situations like the one above are sadly all too common, (I have frequently been shouted at using my blue badge)and the quandary is always how to react to it.  I actually do not know any language foul enough to rival the women at the theatre (who said old ladies were sweet?) and it is not in my nature to do so.  I always find education the best form of defense but sometimes you do not feel like justifying yourself to total strangers and nor should it be necessary to do so.

I did consider getting copies of my MRI scans and a brief medical history printed on flyers I could hand out when challenged but then thought this may be a tad extreme!

There are approximately 11 million disabled adults in the UK.  Out of this number less than 8%of disabled  people use a wheelchair.  As not all disabilities relate to discernible mobility problems, it can be incredibly hard to judge whethersomeone has the ‘right’ to class themselves as disabled and neither should anyone try to do so. 

So to all those narrow minded,intolerant individuals, I would say walk a mile in my shoes, but considering I can’t walk a mile in my shoes, (or any shoes for that matter), try to be more forbearing, failing that, please don’t be judgmental.

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Feeling out of control

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Charles Swindoll

This weekend I have had to stop, take a deep breath and reclaim my sanity.

My son is ill. He is now into his third week off school with no clear answers as to what is wrong with him. He has been for numerous tests and I, as a holistic therapist,have been refraining from treating him until all his test results are back which will hopefully be later. Frustrating.

Feeling out of control is a horrible sensation and one which happens to us all from time to time. It is easy to know how to ‘Be’ but when it is something affecting one of my children it can be hard to view the situation through detached eyes and implement a realistic action plan to safeguard the mental and physical well-being of every member of our household. Being a Mum I feel it's my job to make sure everyone is OK and when they are not I feel a sense of responsibility that I must be the one to change that.

Whatever situation you are in, if you find yourself feeling stressed and anxious due to a perceived loss of control try the following tips, they sure have helped me get my feet back on the ground.

Accept you can’t control everything. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, it just isn’t up to you what happens.

Resist your desire for things to be a certain way. Wishing things were different is not going to change how they actually are. Ignore your expectations and put your energy into things you can actually affect.

Appreciate what’s good. No matter how bleak things seem there is always, always, always something to be grateful for.

Know everything passes. Situations and emotions are only ever temporary. Although something may seem like the worst thing in the world, be sure that this isn’t the way it will always be.

Own your feelings. We can’t always change our situation but we can change the way we feel about it. How much negative energy we waste worrying, wishing and hoping is completely up to us.

Accept we can’t always help. Don’t feel a failure if you think there is nothing you can do. There is always something you can do. Love and kindness remains an option in any given situation. 


Spreading the love
Louise xx

10 great things before breakfast

I was speaking with my cousin in Texas last night about Thanksgiving and how excited she was and I know my family Stateside will be celebrating with loved ones and enjoying the togetherness whilst devouring their veritable feast.

I woke up today feeling quite strange. I miss my family that are far away and this, coupled with the fact I haven’t been well for a while,led me to a rare case of ‘feelingsorryformyselfitis’.

At times like these I really have to make a conscious decision to practice an attitude of gratitude, so before I even got out of bed I compiled a list of ‘great things that have happened today before I even getup’.

1)   My 6 year old son came and told me he loved me.

2)   I have nettle tea to drink which will smooth my inflammation.

3)   My amazing partner bought me some breakfast.

4)   I have a nice warm comfortable bed to lie in.

5)   I can hear my family laughing in the kitchen.

6)   The sound of the rain on the window but I felt really snuggly.

7)   Friends that care, I received a text asking how I was early this morning.

8)   Our dog bought me the greatest gift ever (in her eyes) of a squeaky ball.

9)   I have the luxury of a slower start being self-employed.

10) Hugs from my children before school.

This is such a great exercise to do if you are feeling down. If 10 amazing things can happen before I get up I can easily release any (false) expectations that today may be a bad day. After all we get back what we put out there energetically. I now feel excited at the possibilities the rest of my day holds. 

One of my favourite proverbs is “give thanks for a little and you will find a lot”. It’s so true. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. Sometimes we need to just open our eyes and see.