Pick yourself up, dust off and start all over again

"Pick yourself up, dust off and start all over again". Frank Sinatra 

I heard an interesting conversation on the radio this morning about lent when the presenter stated he believed the purpose of lent was to fail and learn some humility. 

I don't have the religious knowledge to pass comment on this but it did get me thinking about failure.

Failure can be construed as a negative word but it always brings with it a chance to reflect and refocus and try again. Having the patience  and self-belief to never give up on your dreams is what drives many people to success. 

Walt Disney was once sacked by a newspaper editor as "he had no imagination and lacked good ideas".  Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was 'too stupid to learn anything', but that didn't put him off, he tried 1000 times to invent the lightbulb before he got it right. Oprah Winfrey was fired from her reporting job as she was deemed "unfit for tv". Fred Astaire was told he 'couldn't act, couldn't sing and could only dance a little".

Next time you are feeling demoralised play this song and start all over again.

Think it, believe it, become it.

"I believe in everything until it's disproved". John Lennon

I was really happy to read today that Thusha Kamaleswaran has defied the odds and is making remarkable progress in her recovery. 

Two years ago, at the age of 5, Thusha's spine was shattered by a stray bullet during a gang war. Happily playing in her uncle's shop minutes before being shot, Thusha was left fighting for her life, almost bleeding to death and having to be revived twice after suffering two heart attacks. 

The amazing thing about this story for me is the fact that despite doctors predicting Thusha would be permanently paralysed and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life, her family made the decision NOT to tell her this.

This courageous schoolgirl has never stopped believing therefore she would walk again and is now taking steps on a treadmill with a harness. She is completely focused on being able to dance and play basketball again, never doubting that she will. Could part of her recovery be attributed to her mind not knowing that she isn't, according to doctors, supposed to recover?

When doctors originally told me there was nothing they could do for my condition and that I would have to resign myself to a life of disability and pain I wouldn't accept this. I stubbornly researched other hospitals, treatments and natural options available to me and never gave up hope. Although I am not fully recovered (yet) I am more mobile than originally predicted and, like Thusha, carry out the same gruelling physio exercises day after day, fully committed to my recovery.

The mind is such a powerful tool. I completely understand the doctors have to predict, to the best of their knowledge, what they think the future will hold for patients but, in many cases, this can be nothing more than an educated guess based on past similar cases and their knowledge of the body.

Whereas it's true that a spine is a spine, the difference is, the awesomely amazing difference, is that we are all beautifully human with unique outlooks, thought processes and coping mechanisms.

If you have been "written off" by anyone don't give up hope I say. That belief really could be the difference between succeeding or not. If you are searching for a miracle, never forget you are one.

Do we have free choice?

"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't". Steve Maraboli

Ok so living in the Now, going with the flow and not resisting life are things I try to live by every day. The flip side to this is that I do like order, routine and stability. Hey I'm a Taurus, it's not my fault, I am pre-programmed to dislike change.

I think it is natural to want to feel some sort of control over our own lives, to be the driver of our own bus as it were, and to an extent we are.

We have the right to free choice which we exercise every day. This morning I changed my mind twice before settling for porridge for breakfast for example. What about the biggies though? The things we would change if we could?

My pain and mobility levels have taken a drastic turn for the worst this past week. Actually this is something I am handling really well. I am just letting it be. Not fighting the way I feel, getting frustrated or pushing myself too hard. This is just a temporary state I know. I hope to improve again, I may get worse, who knows? I certainly don't and won't spend my days analysing if I have done something to cause this and living out possible scary scenarios in my mind.

It is harder with my son though who is still poorly after a month. I want to stamp my feet, have a good cry and make things different. I want him well, full of energy and back at school. If I give into these feelings though, let them consume me, all I will change is the energy of our whole household, and not in a good way either. So how do we dispel these unhealthy urges?

Meditating is what keeps my mind clear. I can let the thoughts, whatever they may be, pop into my head and then let them drift away. I guess, to an extent, I treat my mind like a naughty child. If it misbehaves I don't put my attention on it. When it behaves in a more positive way I am happy to focus on the way I feel.

After a meditation I feel calmer, energised and happier. I know I am not affecting my son with any negative energy as he easily picks up on the way I feel. It's such an invaluable tool, easy to do anywhere and breaks the cycle of chatter that can be detrimental to my emotional well-being.

There are many things, we can't, with the best will in the world influence, but we can choose to change the way we feel about them. Now, back to things I can control. Hmmm, now what to have for lunch? 

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Positive parenting through language

For the past few weeks my 6 year old son has been having trouble getting to, and staying, asleep.  It is rare I sleep all the way through the night with my pain levels, so consequently this last month has passed in a blur of exhaustion.

Despite gently probing Finley the only explanation I have managed to secure is “Mummy I have worries that stop me sleeping, not big ones, just normal worries”.  I cannot dismiss any concerns at age 6 as being unimportant, I knew he had been worried about sports day but that had now passed and I feared getting up in the night had become a habit.

Last night at bed time I produced with flourish a bag of Gatamalan worry dolls.  I explained to Finley that these dolls were the answer to his sleeping problem and once they were under his pillow they would take all his worries away from him and he would sleep through the night.  After going through the bag and naming them all he promptly fell asleep for ten hours!

The language we use is critical.  The subconscious mind has difficulty processing negatives and they cause us distress and fear.  Consequently, had I said to Finley “These dolls will help because you can’t sleep” he would have picked out the wordscan’t and sleep which would have reinforced the belief he had formed that he no longer slept through the night.  Using the sentence “The dolls will take your worries away and you will sleep through the night” he subconsciously picked out will take worries away will sleep.  Clever old English language eh?

It is during our formative years that we develop many of our negative beliefs which many of us carry into adulthood;  I can’t, I’m not good enough, It’s too hard ….  Inadvertently we pick up these ideas from the language of our primary care-givers, parents, teachers, child minders etc. and the more we hear them the more we believe the words to be true.

If you begin using words affirmative in nature they will integrate naturally into your vocabulary.  If we can use language to eradicate limiting beliefs in a child’s head we can help them lead more empowering lives which will impact into adulthood.  Awesome how powerful words can be isn’t it, and such a simple thing to practice.

So next time your child asks you for something they can’t do, i.e. I want to go skating.  Keep the reply positive.  Rather than “you don’t know how to skate” you could try, yes “you can learn how to skate”.  Keep commands simple, replace “don’t run” with "walk" (the brain will respond to run).  Start to notice how differently your children respond to you and how much easier it is to parent.

In the wise words of Mahatma Ghandhi: -
Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive, because your words become your behaviour.
Keep your behaviour positive, because your behaviour becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny.
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Spreading the love, 

Louise xx