Exploring Acceptance

“The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.” Eckhart Tolle

Yesterday evening we arrived at the lovely venue we work from to teach week 5 of our latest 8 week Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy Course.

Walking into our teaching area we realised there was an unknown lady already there talking to couple. We politely enquired how long she would be and realised there was a huge time overlap. We explained that we were about to set up for our weekly meditation group and asked her if she would please mind using a different room as the building was empty but this was the only room large enough to house our group. She refused to move ‘as she was there first, and had paid to be there.’ We had to call the manager who talked to her over the phone and explained that she was supposed to be in a room upstairs. The lady still, very unpleasantly, refused to move leaving my group now waiting in the corridor, and the manager feeling bad that something, totally beyond her control had happened in her extremely well run clinic.

We were left with the option of cancelling or squeezing into a small room. The room was hot and there was no space to lie down but the group remained upbeat and helped moving chairs etc around. When everyone was seated I was asked what the weekly theme was and we had to laugh when I told them it was acceptance of difficult situations and people. What could have marred the evening was actually a great starting point for a discussion.

There was a time when a situation like this would really have upset me, the lady’s attitude would instantly have cultivated automatic ruminative thoughts such as ‘Why is she being horrible to me? What have I done? How can I fix it?’

The truth is, in situations such as these, rarely are other people’s words or actions meant to hurt us personally. Many people have a default automatic reaction they call upon whenever they are feeling wronged or stressed. (Road rage is another good example of this).

We can never control the way other people react or treat us but what we can control is the way we feel about it. Do we dwell on unpleasant events going over them again and again, possibly envisaging different outcomes. ‘I wish I had of said/done………….’.

Through Mindfulness I have learned to change my negative, self limiting thought patterns. George Orwell once said “Happiness can exist only in acceptance”. I choose to be happy.

The king and his sons

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others". Peace Pilgrim

I want to share the story of a king who had 3 sons. The first was handsome and very popular. When he was 21, his father built a palace in the city for him. The second son was intelligent and also very popular. When he became 21, his father built a palace in the city for him as well. The third son, neither handsome nor intelligent, was unfriendly and unpopular. When he was 21 the king’s counselors said: “there is no further room in the city. Have a palace built outside the city for your son. You can have it built so it will be strong. You can send some of your guards to prevent it being attacked by the ruffians who live outside the city walls”. So the king built such a palace and sent some of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later, the son sent a message to his father. “I cannot live here. The ruffians are too strong”. So the counsellors said, “build another palace bigger and stronger and 20 miles away from the city and the ruffians. With more soldiers, it will easily be able to withstand attacks from the nomadic tribes that pass that way”. So the king built such a palace and sent 100 of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later, a message came from the son: “I cannot live here the tribes are too strong”. So the counsellors said “Build a castle, a large castle 100 miles away. It will be big enough to house 500 soldiers and strong enough to withstand attacks from the people who live over the border”. So the king built such a castle and sent 500 of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later the son sent another message to the king. “Father the attacks of the neighbouring people are too strong. They have attacked twice and if they attack a third time I fear for my life and the lives of your soldiers”.

And the King said to his counsellors “let him come home and he can live in the palace with me. For it is better that I learn to live my son than spend all the energy and resources of my kingdom keeping him at a distance”.

I love this story. We expel so much energy sometimes fighting against things that aren't exactly as we think they should be causing us huge amounts of physical and emotional stress. Learning the art of acceptance and allowing brings a sense of freedom, improving our health and well-being. After all 'what we resist, persists'. The easiest way to learn to let go of the idea that things need to be different, to stop wanting to fix,change and improve things is through meditation. Are you ready to let this moment be enough?

The song that changed my life

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent” Victor Hugo

Have you ever had one of those lightbulb moments when in a flash something changes inside of you? I remember one I had many years ago as if it were yesterday. 

As a teenager I didn't know where I fitted in. I drifted from job to job, moving a lot, with no fixed place to call home. I didn't have a loving, supportive family to encourage my dreams. I felt I had no sense of direction, and no purpose. 

I was at a party one evening with the usual crowd I hung out with, drinking too much, happy on the surface and yet strangely empty inside. It was the same thing we did every weekend.

I became aware of the music. Dark Side of the Moon was the album playing. Pink Floyd were one of my favourite bands and I had heard this song so many times before and yet as the track 'Time' came on I found myself listening to the lyrics; really listening, as if for the very first time.

In an instant I felt illuminated from the inside out; becoming oblivious to my surroundings, unaware of any background noise.  There was just the music showing me how precious life is, how quickly it passes and imploring me to make every second count. 

I still didn't know what I wanted but suddenly I was certain of what I didn't want. I didn't want to waste my precious life. I didn't want to look back in 50 years time and not have achieved anything. I didn't want to be out getting drunk on a Saturday night years to come. 

22 years later and I took my son to the O2 Arena last week to see The Australian Pink Floyd.

As they played Time I became just as reflective as I had that evening long ago in the 1980's. The difference this time is as well as knowing what I don't want I am crystal clear on what I do want.

I am not so single visioned that I would bypass unexpected opportunities to get where I think I should be. It is important to be flexible and embrace change. I was thrown off my path rather harshly a few years ago following a car accident but I have managed to find new dreams that are now achievable for me. As long as I keep focused on all the positivity surrounding me, step by step, I will progressing in the right direction all the time.

For anyone feeling a little lost or unsure as to their direction I would really recommend grabbing a pen and making a list of what you don't want or need in your life. This can sometimes be the easiest starting point. Then remain open for all the miracles life will offer you, they're there everyday if you just look.  



Lyrics to Time, by Pink Floyd

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine
Staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun

And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to nought
Or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone
The song is over
Thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells

I'm not ok (and that's ok)

Happiness can only exist in acceptance". George Orwell 

I woke up this morning, went to get out of bed and the pain was so great I virtually couldn't move.

"Are you ok" my partner asked? 

"Ummm, actually, no".

There was a time such a flare up would really have impacted upon my emotional well-being. I would be flung into a complete blind panic picturing myself never moving again resulting in my neglected children half starving in dirty clothes. 

Analysing over and over again what could have caused the set back, resisting the situation and worrying about how I would cope was absolutely the worst thing I could have done to my poor body. Heaping extra stress on already tense muscles merely exacerbated and prolonged the period of increased pain.

I would berate myself for being a burden, blame my body for not being 'normal'; not offering myself the extra love I needed to recover as quickly as possible.

Today I am perfectly calm. The timing is terrible with it being the school holidays but flexibility is paramount for a harmonious life. Realising that things happen beyond my control and it's ok not be be ok was one of the biggest lessons for me to learn, and one which took a huge amount of time.

Instead of listing all the negatives that will surround my flare up I have focused only on the positives. 

Today I am grateful for:-

1). My partner who loves me very much unconditionally.

2). My children who won't complain at a change of plans and will be happy with a day at home today.

3). To be able to do something I love (writing) without it affecting my pain levels.

4). To have money in my purse to be able to order a pizza later if needed.

5). To be sat in a warm comfortable chair looking at the snow outside. 

There is always, alway, always something to be thankful for.

A modern day hero

"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance".
Brian Tracy

You may have heard the news story this week regarding Michael Garcia, a Houston waiter who defended a 5-year-old boy with Down's syndrome.

Michael became upset when he heard a diner complaining about five year old Milo Castillo, the five year old son of a family of regulars, who has Down's syndrome. The fellow customer had already moved his table away from the Castillo's before rudely stating
"Special needs children need to be special somewhere else".

Garcia recalled the incident and his reaction in an interview with KPRC-TV.

"My personal feelings took over and I told him, 'I'm not going to be able to serve you, sir.'" Garcia continued, "He said, 'If you're not going to be able to serve us, then we'll leave.' Then I told him, 'How could you say that? How could you say that about a beautiful 5-year-old angel?'"

The disrespectful customer then left with his family.

There have been many stories this week hailing Michael a hero but sadly many others condemning the use of this word for such a 'small' action.

My understanding of a hero is; "A person, who is admired for courage or noble qualities".
In my book this describes Michael perfectly.