Philosophy on the farm

"Beautiful paths cannot be discovered without getting lost".

The teachers at my youngest son's school were on strike today so we made the most of our unexpected day together with a trip to the farm.

There was a maze which my son dashed into joyfully without any hesitation. By the time I had reached the entrance I could see his hands triumphantly waving at me above the hedges from the middle.

When he made his way back to me I asked him if he had been scared on his own not knowing the way. "Of course not" he explained, "I knew that even if I took the wrong path I would still end up where I was meant to be".

Simple.

In life we can sometimes get too caught up in where we think we should be heading and how we think we should get there. Then, if we don't get to where we wanted to be we can feel regretful and look back wondering what we could have done differently. This can be a great source of sadness.

There are no wrong paths. Opportunities are always present, even if they are not the ones we are looking for, and we can sometimes be so focused on what we think we want we don't see them.

The next time I feel I have gone astray I will remember today and the trust of a young child that he would end up where he needed to be, after all beautiful paths cannot be discovered without getting lost. 

What I learned from meerkats

"The moment is always Now".

Nothing makes me happier than spending time with my family and experiencing new things in life so I was more than a teensy bit excited yesterday to get to hang out with the (allegedly) tamest  meerkats in Britain.

I was preempting my gratitude journal that evening would be full of family, love and laughter (which it was) but I had to add an entry to the meerkats for a great reminder on how to approach life with complete wonder.

My youngest son had velcro trainers on and the curious animals spent huge amounts of time investigating how this worked, undoing them, doing them back up and moving aside to let others have a go. The joy as they played together and jumped onto our laps for cuddles was contagious. When their food came they stopped what they were doing and totally absorbed themselves in the task of mindfully eating, savouring every mouthful. No chance of them automatically consuming their food, not really noticing the flavours while multi tasking as humans often do.

I went to bed last night thankful for the chance to observe these cute creatures living in the moment. It is something I will never forget.

Coffee and a hug

"If you can dream it you can do it'.

Walt Disney

I remember once when I received some really horrible news I couldn't stand to be alone. I needed to get out of the house immediately and surround myself with my fellow man. With friends and family at work I headed out to my nearest coffee shop. I looked around at the other customers, some chatting, some reading, in groups or alone and although I was amongst a substantial amount of people I felt so incredibly lonely. It was a vast, impersonal place to be and leaving my cappucino to go cold I bolted for the sanctuary of home as fast as I could.

I was thrilled therefore to read about Tim's Place recently, the diner that offers Breakfast, Lunch and Hugs. 

Tim Harris was born in 1986 with Down Syndrome. His list of incredible achievements include receiving the highest margin of votes in his school's history to become Homecoming King, the accolade of being Student of the Year, attending University and winning dozens of gold medals as a Special Olympian.

Working as a host in a local restaurant Tim had a unique ability to genuinely connect with people and seeing this his family decided to sign a lease for their own diner.

The menu is simple, the most popular item being 'The Tim Hug', a fat free treat destined to make you feel better than any cream cake could.

I love this concept and can quite understand how Tim is building up such a loyal customer base; I only wish I lived nearer!

I'm not ok (and that's ok)

Happiness can only exist in acceptance". George Orwell 

I woke up this morning, went to get out of bed and the pain was so great I virtually couldn't move.

"Are you ok" my partner asked? 

"Ummm, actually, no".

There was a time such a flare up would really have impacted upon my emotional well-being. I would be flung into a complete blind panic picturing myself never moving again resulting in my neglected children half starving in dirty clothes. 

Analysing over and over again what could have caused the set back, resisting the situation and worrying about how I would cope was absolutely the worst thing I could have done to my poor body. Heaping extra stress on already tense muscles merely exacerbated and prolonged the period of increased pain.

I would berate myself for being a burden, blame my body for not being 'normal'; not offering myself the extra love I needed to recover as quickly as possible.

Today I am perfectly calm. The timing is terrible with it being the school holidays but flexibility is paramount for a harmonious life. Realising that things happen beyond my control and it's ok not be be ok was one of the biggest lessons for me to learn, and one which took a huge amount of time.

Instead of listing all the negatives that will surround my flare up I have focused only on the positives. 

Today I am grateful for:-

1). My partner who loves me very much unconditionally.

2). My children who won't complain at a change of plans and will be happy with a day at home today.

3). To be able to do something I love (writing) without it affecting my pain levels.

4). To have money in my purse to be able to order a pizza later if needed.

5). To be sat in a warm comfortable chair looking at the snow outside. 

There is always, alway, always something to be thankful for.

Embracing the challenge

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough”.

Og Mandino

When a crisis hits most of us react in one of three ways. There are those pessimists among us who roll over and give up (the glass is half empty), the optimists who keep believing that everything will be ok (the glass is half full) and the opportunists who embrace change and spring into action (they drank the contents of the glass while the pessimist and optimist were arguing it out).

13 year old Shelby Grebenc is definitely one of life’s go-getters. At the tender age of 9 her Mum Nancy was diagnosed with MS which became so severe she had to go and stay in a nursing home. Shelby’s dad Jonmichael tried to keep the family afloat despite the loss of Nancy’s salary and the mounting medical bills but sadly bankruptcy loomed.

Shelby offered to help and Jonmichael, not wanting to dampen his young daughter’s spirit, told her to do what she could.

This enterprising school girl had an idea to start selling eggs, borrowed some money from her grandmother and bought chickens.  Four years on Shelby has 135 birds, turns over $15,000 per year, her family home is safe and she became the youngest farmer in America to win the Animal Welfare Seal of Approval. The icing on the cake is that Nancy’s health has improved too.

It’s amazing how resilient the human spirit is and what can be achieved when we stop resisting what life throws at us and work with it instead. Then, and only then, can we put all our energies into sourcing a positive outcome rather than wasting valuable time wishing and hoping the situation had never happened.

One of my favourite quotes is “it will be alright in the end. If it isn’t alright, it isn’t the end”, and you know what? it’s absolutely true.

Lessons from a robot

"Once you have learned to love you will have learned to live".

My dad, who is 66, is so conscientious he has never had a day off work (other than annual leave) in his whole life. Even if he feels under the weather he goes in as he worries about letting people down.

I was really shocked to receive a phone call from his boss this lunchtime to say he hadn't turned up and they couldn't reach him on the phone. Naturally they realised this was really out of character and were worried. Thus commenced a frantic half hour trying to trace him (he is fine) but my heart rate is still returning to normal.

I had watched the Transformers movie not long ago with my son and Optimus Prime said "the greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how they love them while they're alive". I instantly loved this quote and it made me wonder when I had last told my family and friends how much they mean to me. I mentally resolved to remedy this as soon as I could. With some people it was easy to have a hug and tell them how important they are to me, but with other, non tactile friends, I have to admit I didn't say anything as I felt, well, slightly ridiculous. What this afternoon has taught me though is that it is ridiculous not to express how you really feel while you have the chance, as ultimately we never know when we may get another opportunity.

So if any of this resonates with you please seize the moment and be honest about how you feel. If we are lucky enough to feel love and gratitude we should shout it from the rooftops.

Feeling out of control

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Charles Swindoll

This weekend I have had to stop, take a deep breath and reclaim my sanity.

My son is ill. He is now into his third week off school with no clear answers as to what is wrong with him. He has been for numerous tests and I, as a holistic therapist,have been refraining from treating him until all his test results are back which will hopefully be later. Frustrating.

Feeling out of control is a horrible sensation and one which happens to us all from time to time. It is easy to know how to ‘Be’ but when it is something affecting one of my children it can be hard to view the situation through detached eyes and implement a realistic action plan to safeguard the mental and physical well-being of every member of our household. Being a Mum I feel it's my job to make sure everyone is OK and when they are not I feel a sense of responsibility that I must be the one to change that.

Whatever situation you are in, if you find yourself feeling stressed and anxious due to a perceived loss of control try the following tips, they sure have helped me get my feet back on the ground.

Accept you can’t control everything. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, it just isn’t up to you what happens.

Resist your desire for things to be a certain way. Wishing things were different is not going to change how they actually are. Ignore your expectations and put your energy into things you can actually affect.

Appreciate what’s good. No matter how bleak things seem there is always, always, always something to be grateful for.

Know everything passes. Situations and emotions are only ever temporary. Although something may seem like the worst thing in the world, be sure that this isn’t the way it will always be.

Own your feelings. We can’t always change our situation but we can change the way we feel about it. How much negative energy we waste worrying, wishing and hoping is completely up to us.

Accept we can’t always help. Don’t feel a failure if you think there is nothing you can do. There is always something you can do. Love and kindness remains an option in any given situation. 


Spreading the love
Louise xx

10 great things before breakfast

I was speaking with my cousin in Texas last night about Thanksgiving and how excited she was and I know my family Stateside will be celebrating with loved ones and enjoying the togetherness whilst devouring their veritable feast.

I woke up today feeling quite strange. I miss my family that are far away and this, coupled with the fact I haven’t been well for a while,led me to a rare case of ‘feelingsorryformyselfitis’.

At times like these I really have to make a conscious decision to practice an attitude of gratitude, so before I even got out of bed I compiled a list of ‘great things that have happened today before I even getup’.

1)   My 6 year old son came and told me he loved me.

2)   I have nettle tea to drink which will smooth my inflammation.

3)   My amazing partner bought me some breakfast.

4)   I have a nice warm comfortable bed to lie in.

5)   I can hear my family laughing in the kitchen.

6)   The sound of the rain on the window but I felt really snuggly.

7)   Friends that care, I received a text asking how I was early this morning.

8)   Our dog bought me the greatest gift ever (in her eyes) of a squeaky ball.

9)   I have the luxury of a slower start being self-employed.

10) Hugs from my children before school.

This is such a great exercise to do if you are feeling down. If 10 amazing things can happen before I get up I can easily release any (false) expectations that today may be a bad day. After all we get back what we put out there energetically. I now feel excited at the possibilities the rest of my day holds. 

One of my favourite proverbs is “give thanks for a little and you will find a lot”. It’s so true. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. Sometimes we need to just open our eyes and see.

Don't limit kindness

Today I was fully intending to write a post centred around the fact it is World Kindness Day and suggestions of small things we could incorporate into our day to pay it forward.

However my partner and I decided to treat ourselves to lunch out after I had a rather stressful hospital appointment and met up with some good friends for a couple of hours of, what I hoped would be, lighthearted conversation and laughter.

Tragically someone decided to take their own life in the shopping centre we were at and after being evacuated we came home suitably subdued.

Although I didn't know this lady I feel such a huge sense of loss and sadness that someone can feel that despairing, that lonely despite being in a public place they feel suicide is their only option. I send sincere condolences to the friends, family and anybody touched by today's tragedy.

World Kindness Day is a beautiful concept but let's not do a good deed on a certain date and think that's enough. If we all consciously think of ways to pay it forward, it could become second nature. It can be easy to be so focused on our own 'stuff' we often don't see things right in front of us. With love, kindness and compassion we really can make a change.

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Privacy Vs Secrecy

I have always been quite a shy and private person. To be marketing The Happy Starfish the way I am at the moment is a huge leap out of my comfort zone. Appearing so publicly through my writing, the website and social networking initially made me feel very exposed and quite vulnerable but I have so much belief in the messages we are trying to spread I have no doubt I am doing the right thing.  The Happy Starfish contains a huge piece of my heart and I hope that is apparent through everything I do. If I can help one person cope with their physical or emotional pain, the way I have learnt to cope with mine, everything will be worthwhile.

I have felt a massive shift lately. The more and more transparent I get the bigger the sense of freedom I feel. There is a huge difference between privacy and secrecy and that has been a big lesson I have had to learn. It would have been ok had I not wanted to talk about my disability for privacies sake. But secrecy is something very different entirely and predominantly fear led. Keeping a secret is about hiding something from the world, separating yourself, and that takes a lot of energy. I had tried to keep my physical health hidden as, ultimately, I realise now I felt ashamed my body no longer functioned in the way I thought it should.

It is perfectly ok to be private but to lay yourself open sometimes takes courage but when there is nothing left to keep hidden, nothing to fear, it can be one of the most loving and liberating things you can do for yourself.

The next time you find yourself not wanting to reveal things it may be worth questioning. Do you want to keep it a secret and if so what do you fear?

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Belonging

I am currently away, staying with relatives in the middle of the beautiful countryside. The scenery here is stunning and it's easy to relax amongst horses, dogs and a token cat. Out of my normal routine I have lots of time to meditate and contemplate. I feel at peace here but know it is only a temporary visit. This is not where I belong but where is?

I sold my house earlier this year. After 20 years of being on the property ladder it is quite a strange feeling not to 'own' (aka owing the bank a huge sum of money) anything.

On one hand it is quite liberating to have no real ties, no commitment and to be free to go wherever I choose. On the other it can be really unsettling. As a mother I want a safe nest for my children who need some stability.

The best thing I can show them in life is that the biggest foundation, the only foundation, for building a true home is love. Releasing attachment to possessions can be one of the hardest lessons to learn, but once you understand, really understand with your heart, you can start to release the need for the 'stuff'.

Without craving the next thing or letting what you own define who you are, you naturally start to practice gratitude for all the small, organic things surrounding you. This feeling then easily makes the transition into love, which, after all, is all you need.

I hope my children can make their transition into adulthood secure in the knowledge that although circumstances change, 'things' are just temporary, happiness, real happiness can only every come from within.

Then I will be happy to watch them fly off into the world knowing that wherever they settle they will always have a 'home' straight from the heart.

Spreading the love

Louise xx

Embracing the natural look (part two)

For those who have not read my previous blog my aim was to embrace the natural look for a week to see if I felt differently about myself and if it changed the way others perceived me.

Wow, well not only did I survive my make-up free week but I actually found it a really enlightening exercise.

Although I was very aware the way I feel internally reflects externally; everyone can see when I am happy, sad etc. by my facial expressions, glow (or not) and posture, being someone who usually takes care of her appearance I hadn’t fully appreciated that the way I present myself externally would have such a dramatic effect on my internal world.

Day one was fine. To be honest it was a shut myself away and write day anyway so aside from the school run I had nothing too taxing to contend with.

Day two was a different matter.  I had a meeting with my son’s head-teacher. To be honest this is a situation I am never entirely comfortable with anyway.  Previously lip gloss would have been my shield but I had nothing to hide behind.  I regressed from a calm, confident, mother of three who runs her own business to a bumbling, inarticulate mouse who found it difficult to even make eye contact. Surviving the meeting (just) I had to console myself with the loss of my make-up bag with cake, great for my skin but not so good for my waist.  Uh oh, this experiment could well end up deflating my confidence and inflating my stomach.

As the week went on however it got easier and easier.  Mornings were great. I actually had free time to plan my day properly before the school run.

There were cases where I had to return faulty goods to a store, to negotiate buying a car for my son with a salesman and to return food in a restaurant with hairs in it (that induced a whole other trauma not relevant to this piece)! I realised that actually nobody cared whether I wore make up or not and I was treated exactly the same.  I don’t think my partner or children even noticed and in a way I felt more accepted for me than I ever had been before which made my confidence naturally soar.

In conclusion I have realised I am exactly the same person, with exactly the same capabilities however I look. That’s not to say I will abstain long term, after all it’s a girls prerogative to change her mind and I do like to dress up but once you have conquered what’s going on in the inside the outside doesn’t matter so much after all. In short what’s important with my mouth is whether it’s smiling or not, not whether it is coated in lipstick.

Spreading the love

Louise xx