Little lights

“We’re born with millions of little lights shining in the dark

And they show us the way

One lights up, every time you feel love in your heart

One dies when it moves away”

Passenger

I love listening to music, even more so when the lyrics really resonate with me.

One of my favourite albums this year is Passenger’s Little Lights - (watch on Youtube)

The title track is beautiful. It refers to ‘little lights’ we are all born with in our hearts. When something negative happens to us or because of us one of the lights will extinguish but through love and living a good life we are always igniting more.

I love the image these lyrics instill. It’s true we are born with infinite love, our lights shine brightly with no judgements or expectations in place to diminish them. As we grow and develop a belief system we begin to lose our connection to our inner stillness and we may not shine as brightly as we once did.

As life progresses it’s inevitable we love, we laugh, we cry, we grieve, we feel hope and disappointment, but no matter what life throws at us we always get the chance to light a new light. Each moment is a new beginning, a chance to ensure we are never in darkness. 

How brightly are you shining today?

A lovely surprise

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you”. Princess Diana.

I received a fabulous surprise this morning when I woke up and checked my emails. The lovely traveling couple we had the pleasure of meeting at Sweetheart Abbey had sent us the photos they had taken of Tim and I on our wedding day.

The quality of the images are phenomenal. The thing with eloping meant the majority of the photos were taken with my iphone. I had thought they were ok until I saw how vibrant and sharp Wendy and Geoff’s (as we now know they are called) pictures are.

I am so grateful they took the time to do this. They have edited each photo and sent them via individual emails as the file size is so large and they thoughtfully didn’t want to diminish the quality. As they apparently have 9000 of their own photos from their trip to get through I am really touched they did this for us. 

Anyone who knows me (and many of you who don’t)! know I am a huge advocate of pay it forward. I believe the way to change the world is by one act of kindness at a time. A simple act, a thought, being shown compassion and kindness can be life changing. It’s not solely about making someone feel good in the moment. Such acts can provoke huge feelings of gratitude and joy we recall again and again. When you pay it forward you could be creating a memory someone will draw upon during their darkest days; how phenomenal is that?

Maya Angelou said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Many of us have a positive effect on someone most days without consciously realising it. Imagine if we all consciously tried to carry out an act of kindness everyday too, it’s possible whatever your circumstances; a smile is the easiest way to start. Who knows how far the ripple effect will travel?

It’s fast approaching World Kindness Day (November 13th 2013). What can you do for someone on this date? The warm fuzzy feeling of kindness is too good not to share. Happiness is contagious - be a carrier.

Mediate don't medicate

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional".

I had a great appointment at Birmingham Orthopaedic Hospital yesterday. The fantastic team there have never given up on my health and have been beside me every step of the way during my recovery the past few years. I am eternally grateful to them for their treatments and support, especially since my own local hospital were unable to offer me any sort of help past physiotherapy.

I was excited to finally be given the go ahead to start their functional restoration programme in the new year. I have been assessed for this before but never deemed strong enough until now. This approach combines strengthening exercises with natural movements my body has 'forgotten' how to do alongside Mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

Being a Mindfulness Coach (I don't honestly know how I would cope with my pain/condition without it). I am excited to see how they integrate this into the NHS. Chatting to David who will be co-running the programme he acknowledged that when just a physical approach to recovery was taken the results often weren't sustainable. When people had natural flare-ups of pain if they were not taught techniques to cope emotionally their recovery slid dramatically backwards. This hospital recognises the importance of treating mind and body together and their phenomenal results prove just how effective their methods are. 

After spending years managing my own health condition I can't wait to launch my own programme next year to help others in similar situations cope with chronic health conditions. If we are not fully living in the present moment those of us with ill health do tend to suffer twice. Once when we live in fear of the future pain, and then again when we actually experience it. Once fear is eradicated pain naturally reduces and there comes a sense of freedom no matter what physical limitations there are.

Maths, Science and Mindfulness?

“Respond, don’t react. Listen, don’t talk. Think, don’t assume.” Raji Lukkoor

I was invited to a meeting at my son's school yesterday evening, to discuss his forthcoming exams and how best parents can support their children during this potentially stressful period.

I was pleasantly surprised when one of the teachers presented a section on the school's responsibility for the emotional well-being of its students and how they have begun to successfully use Mindfulness to alleviate pupil's anxiety.

As a Mindfulness Coach I was interested to stay behind to chat to this teacher afterwards and learned he had been researching Mindfulness personally for a long time and had fought hard to get it included within the school. He had been quite nervous publicly talking about it, anticipating he may be met with scepticism. He strongly believed however that since using Mindfulness techniques with the children that wanted to take part, exams results had improved, absences declined and the feedback from teachers and children alike was that a huge calming effect had taken place.

Having used these techniques for my eldest son who completed his A'Levels last year I know Mindfulness is an invaluable and lifelong tool that I hope to see as standard on curriculum's everywhere eventually. One of the most beneficial things we can ever learn is how to take care of our minds. Once we develop the ability to look inward and fully connect to the present moment anxiety and stress reduces and calmness and clarity prevails - an optimum condition for learning.

With league tables being scrutinised and Ofsted reports demanding a higher and higher teaching standard there is no doubt the world of education is becoming more and more pressured for both staff and pupils.

I was saddened to learn last night that although there is plenty of support in place for the children the staff were not being offered the same. With teacher absences through stress and sickness at an all time high I hope staff well-being comes high on the list of priorities. After all, if we don't care for the staff who will ultimately educate our children?

Create a vision board - create your future

“The action of Mind plants that nucleus which, if allowed to grow undisturbed, will eventually attract to itself all the conditions necessary for its manifestation in outward visible form.” Thomas Troward

I had great fun yesterday afternoon when I spent a few hours focusing positive energy into achieving my goals.

The Law of Attraction is not a new idea, the phrase has been the basis of many books since the early 1900’s. 

As everything is energy it follows that focusing on negative thoughts will bring negative results. Thankfully it also follows that by throwing out positive energy you can help to shape your own reality.

Author Napoleon Hill published a book in1937 which insisted thoughts have the ability to attract other thoughts and learning to control one’s thoughts can result in manifesting what you want into a physical form. Very cool.

I have found one of the best ways to do this is through a vision board. 

Having a visual aid of what you want your future to consist of can add clarity to desire and ensure your chosen images are firmly lodged in the subconscious. 

Think about it. Everything manmade in our world started off as the seeds of creation in someone’s mind and no matter how unachievable they were told their goals were and regardless of the opinions of others, through belief and determination these ideas became a reality.

Ready to go grab the future you want? 

To make a board spend some time gathering images, headlines and random words; anything that catches your eye in a magazine (or print from online). Be completely open and do this from the heart. Be guided by your inner knowing. If an image provokes a positive feeling in your body cut it out. Leave your head out of it. Yes it’s easy to want a new house, car and loads of money but these probably aren’t the things that will really offer you sustainable happiness once the high has worn off.

Don’t try to analyse too much what the stuff you are gathering means at this stage. 

After you have a substantial pile get your piece of board ready and go through again discarding anything that doesn’t resonate as strongly with you this time around.

Glue what’s left onto your board and leave it somewhere you can see it every day.

Don’t worry if some of the images don’t make sense to you at this stage. Be patient and wait and see what happens, it should all become clear.

Alternatively you can make a board specific to goals you already have in mind, using inspirational quotes as well as images.

I would love to see pictures of your finished boards.

Why I ran away to get married

"All you need is love, love is all you need".

I have to be honest I never thought I was the marrying kind. I was always slightly in awe of those who made the ultimate commitment to each other. I was a great believer in the sanctity of marriage but I wasn't sure it was for me. Although I could be certain of what I felt in the present moment, the next 10, 20, 30 years was a different matter and right now was all I thought I could ever guarantee. 

When my partner Tim proposed however, I had no doubts about our future. I treasure our relationship where I have total freedom to be myself. There is no judgement and we love each other unconditionally. We have found mutual support and our lives together are fluid enough to have coped with unexpected change and I am certain, if we maintain our level of communication, together we can face anything life throws at us. I wanted to honour our relationship and become his wife and therefore didn't hesitate at all in accepting. 

I am not the sort of girl who has spent years visualising her wedding, imagining the dress, the flowers and everything else you are supposed to want for your special day. I wasn't sure what I wanted but I was certain of what I didn't want. I didn’t want months of planning and stress, putting everyone else’s wants and needs before our own. I also didn’t want to be paying for it after the event. If we couldn’t afford it we would go without. We were adamant the most important part of our day would be our love and if wedding favours and table decorations didn’t feature it wouldn’t take anything away from our unwavering commitment to each other. 

It was with a feeling of trepidation we decided to sit down and pick a venue. We are no different to most couples in that we have some family complications and limited funds. Our families are based in two different locations (3 if you count us) so the first dilemma was always going to be where should the ceremony take place.

Approximately 5 minutes into the first tentative planning conversation I’d had enough. The wedding should be purely about us. We joked it would be easier to run away and get married without telling anybody. We laughed, and then we looked at each other, and then we weren't laughing anymore. Could we? Should we?

It wasn't a decision we took lightly. People have expectations when it comes to weddings. Was it selfish to put our needs first with no compromises?

We were undecided and subsequently kept our engagement secret. What would be the right thing to do? Was there such a thing as the right thing? We decided to individually make a decision then reveal them to each other and hope they matched.

Ultimately I had to ask myself two real questions.

 What did I really want?  

Used to a lifetime of following my heart I knew this was so huge my head needed to be part of the equation. I made a pros and cons list. Although I wanted to share my day with my loved ones ultimately I wanted to be Tim’s wife in a stress free, debt free, least amount of planning way as possible. 

Could I stick with my decision and be happy with it?

This really simplifies any big decision. Generally only one option (at a time) works. To acknowledge a decision has been made and it is the right one for you eliminates lots of angst. It is easy to half heartedly make a decision and then wildly yoyo between “it’s right” and “well should I? could I?”. Accepting I am happy with my decision eradicates any future “what ifs”. 

Eloping seemed the perfect choice and thankfully that was the conclusion Tim had also come to. So, we were running away then.

We called Gretna Green in Scotland to see what planning a wedding there entails and came off the phone 20 minutes later having booked the venue, registrar, hotel, florist, photographer, witnesses, a dvd and discussed our music options. Half an hour after this we had ordered wedding outfits online and that was pretty much that.  Wedding booked. Now exhale and relax.

Our wedding was beautiful in its simplicity. when Etta James sang “At Last” the words took on a whole new meaning. Not only could we apply them to our day, our love, it was also probably one of the only times either of us have wholly put ourselves totally first. Doing what we wanted rather than adapting and compromising to suit others. That in itself should be celebrated.

I don’t feel I have missed out not having a traditional day. We are all individual and what suits some would be another’s worst nightmare. For me though I had all I needed on the day. My best friend was there. I was marrying him.

You can read more about my wedding week here.

Make like Kanye West

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape 100 days of sorrow”. Chinese Proverb.

I read with interest last week that Kim Kardashian has issued an ultimatum to Kayne West regarding his erratic behaviour and has hired a meditation coach in an attempt to curb Kayne’s anger. Kayne is often in the news for his hot headed exploits and often loses his temper. It is reported Kanye will be meditating for an hour a day, seven days a week.

So could it work? Absolutely. Meditation allows you to become aware of the thoughts and feelings in your body in a non-judgmental way. Recognising these sensations when they arise and putting into practice breathing techniques allows you to observe your feelings with kindness and compassion. Kayne will be taught how to let go of his thoughts, and if that is not always possible, different techniques to deal with them as an alternative to lashing out. 

Becoming an observer of your anger allows you to also see what may be behind it. Often anger masks deeper feelings such as fear, guilt or shame. Once you can understand what leads you to anger you can apply a kindness to yourself, without self-criticism, which then also positively impacts on all your relationships.

Will it work? It’s difficult to say. If Kayne has taken responsibility for his behavior and made a decision to find a new way to be then yes. However, loved ones, with the best will in the world, often try to force a change on someone who isn’t ready. It’s like trying to give up smoking because your family lectures you on the health risks all the time. Until you decide you are ready and most importantly, want a change, anything you try is unlikely to become a sustainable way of life.

I wish them lots of luck.