The simple life

The simple life is the best. To live an uncomplicated, stress free life is something people often talk about, but if the simple life really is the best why aren’t we living it?

Realistically, there are not many of us who could go and live up a mountain, or deep within nature. We have friends, family, people we care about. We have careers that are necessary to pay for the homes we live in. We work hard, we want nice things, holidays, evenings out.

We get tired. We want entertaining. The days of standing around the piano singing are long gone, we stream movies, shop online, check social networking sites an inordinate amount of time.

We often eat in front of the tv, plates balanced on our laps, smartphone in hand, the tv on in the background.

The harder we work, the more we want to rewards ourselves with material possessions and holidays. The pleasure holidays and new purchases give us is often fleeting, leaving us dissatisfied, wanting more, so we work harder. We worry more. We overthink. We miss the present moment.

We put huge amounts of pressure on ourselves to have the ‘perfect life.’

Mindfulness enabled me to strip back my life, to step away from the drama, to break the endless loop of unhelpful thinking, to get back to basics and really appreciate what I have, right here, right now.

‘Life is simple but we insist on making it complicated.’

I don’t entirely agree with this quote. Life isn’t always, can’t by its very nature always simple, it can be wild, unpredictable and challenging, but the more fully present we are, the simpler life feels and the more contentment we have.

How complicated is your life?

Grieving Mindfully

I have had a quiet few months. A bereavement before Christmas left me reeling, numb to life and questioning everything. I took a step back, I stopped teaching classes and blogging.

Loss is something we all experience within our lifetime, it is impossible to live, to love, without it; but I have found grief to be oddly isolating. There are no two people who experience grief in the same way and despite being reassured by people who have also experienced a loss ‘I know exactly how you feel,’ they don’t. No one can.

I turned to Mindfulness originally after acquiring a chronic health condition as a way to manage both my physical pain and my emotional distress without medication. Suffice to say it is, again, my practice that is allowing me to explore my feelings, to practice self-compassion and to let my experience be exactly what it is without judgement. By that I mean that I have allowed myself the time and space I feel I need without self-criticism. I knew that I would return to work when, and only when, I felt ready and I feel that time is now.

I return to teaching tomorrow. We have five fully booked classes scheduled in the next four days and I am curious to see how my teaching style has changed. I am not the same person I was, my self compassion has increased tenfold and I feel this will influence the teachings I pass on.

I will continue to grieve mindfully, to explore my feelings however uncomfortable they may be.

I will continue to live.

Have yourself a stress-free Christmas

 

 

“Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more....” Dr Seuss.

 

Wow, it's hard to believe we are in December already, this year has flown by so fast. Have you written your cards? Wrapped your gifts? Feel in control of your pre-holiday preparations?

If the thought of the impending celebrations make you want to cower under the kitchen table you’re not alone. Follow my tips for a stress-free Christmas.

 

     Look after yourself. This has to be number one. It's only natural to worry about everyone else making sure they have what they need to enjoy the festive period but if you are not ok your family is not ok. Frantically running around in your lunch break searching for the perfect gifts will take its toll on your emotional and physical health. Take regular time out to rejuvenate. 10 minutes mindful breathing a day will do wonders for your stress levels. Delegate where you can - who says you have to do it all on your own?

 

     Take a reality check. You may have a to-do list a mile long but what would actually happen if you didn't do everything on it? The world wouldn't end if everything wasn't perfectly co-ordinated or if the place cards weren't handmade. Condense your list down and don't sweat the small stuff.

 

     Let go of traditions that don't work for you. You probably have an idea of the 'right' way to celebrate christmas that comes from childhood traditions but do they actually work for you and your family? My friend refuses to cook, spends all day in her pyjamas, has pizza for dinner and has the best time.

 

     Embrace the imperfection. It is natural to want the day to be perfect but demanding perfection is a form of control. Relax. So the kids want to decorate the tree their way, the decorations are hand made, not symmetrically hung and would never be featured in a glossy magazine. Who cares really but you

 

     Cheat if you want to. I used to be THE worst for having to have everything home made. Stuffing, bread sauce, you name it, I would slave over a saucepan to create it. Now I am happy to buy store bought to make the day easier for me. I get to spend more quality time with my children and nobody notices the difference. Everyone remembers a big family meal around a table. The love, the laughter and the sharing. Nobody remembers whether the cranberry sauce came out of a jar or not.

 

     Ditch the judgement. Your Uncle Jack is notoriously hard to buy for but you have found him the perfect gift. He opens it, frowns and places it to one side. How do you feel? Don't let the negative committee in your head tell you that you got it spectacularly wrong, that you have failed in some way or even that he is an ungrateful pig. Take a breath and move on.

 

     Memories not material. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. It's not worth starting a New Year stressed out and debt ridden. Ultimately the most important thing about the holidays is the memories you create. In ten years time your children will never remember what presents they received but they will remember the togetherness. Find perfection in the love not the stuff.

 

Happy Holidays x

Tell me I can't? Watch me.

You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

I used to believe that everything, anyone told me was the absolute truth. If I announced a desire to do something I would listen earnestly to my family, friends, doctors, the person in the post office queue, if they didn't think it was a good idea, I didn't try. After all everyone has my best interests at heart, right?

Actually, not always, no. I'm not sure why some people try to deter others, to keep them from their goals. I don't believe it is always malicious, or jealousy. I think sometimes it seems inconceivable that someone could accomplish something that may be seemingly unobtainable to other. Imagine the reaction when Thomas Eddison first announced he wanted to make a lightbulb. Maybe there is a desire to stop someone potentially getting hurt by failing. To me though, the only failure is not to try.

I have learnt over the past few years, through mindfulness, to establish a loving, kindly relationship with myself and to trust and respect my own opinion. I have cultivated a self belief I never would have dreamed was possible a few years ago. That's why, when several months ago, I decided to try to write a novel, with no creative writing experience I was prepared for the negativity that followed.

'It takes at least three years to write a first book.' 'Most people give up before the end.' 'The first book you ever write will be rubbish.' 'There is so much completion, it's not even worth trying.' 'You have neither the time, nor the energy to do it.'

You name it, I heard it, but I heard something stronger. A little voice inside whispering, watch me.

I am really happy that I have now completed the first draft of my novel and feedback from early readers has been really positive.  I believed I could and I did.

What if......?

'But you don't know how,' taunts doubt. 

'You're not good enough, strong enough or clever enough,’ whispers negativity.

'But what if you tried?' urges hope fluttering its tiny wings, vibrations course through me, propelling me forwards.

It is time to make a choice. 

I stand of the precipice of fear, close my eyes and jump.

I fly.

The Scent of Happiness

I wrote a 100 word piece of Flash Fiction this week called The Scent of Happiness. (You can read here if you wish).

Our sense of smell is inordinately powerful. It can make us mentally time travel to a past experience within seconds. The smell of home baking transports me back to my Nana's kitchen, the smell of suncream links me to building sandcastles on a beach with my children. These are all pleasant experiences to revisit. The smell of Gin however, reminds me of teenage heartbreak, of drinking too much in an effort to console my poor, broken heart.

We are often not consciously aware of these sensory links. We may smell something that links us to an unpleasant memory, like the one above, and find ourselves in a low mood, without quite understanding why. In the case of a pleasant memory we may feel sad it has gone, wishing we could cling on to the happy feelings, scared we will never feel that way again.

Through Mindfulness we learn to recognise these sensory links and the physical sensations that may accompany them and observe them in a kindly, non judgemental way. Rather than resisting or ignoring the emotions that are present for us, (what we resist persist) we learn to let them be, to practice acceptance and self compassion, in a way that fully supports our health and wellbeing.

To find out more about our Mindfulness courses or one to one coaching (also available via Skype) please visit our website and contact us for further information.

Nobody's perfect (that's why pencils have erasers)

“If we judge people we have no time to love them”. Mother Teresa 

I am a long-term gold member of weight watchers and attend the obligatory 5 meetings a year to keep my membership active. 

At my last meeting the Leader was talking about WW headquarters and how some of the girls that work there can’t reach or stay at their target weights. Perfectly acceptable I thought. Other members of my group clearly didn’t think so.

Numerous comments were made insinuating that weight watchers shouldn’t employ staff that haven’t got their weight under control. 

It’s crazy that people think like that. No-one is infallible. I was so tempted to stand up and say “my name’s Louise, I’m a nutritional therapist and I ate too much cake’.

Yes I may know, in theory, the perfect diet, but when I developed a chronic health condition several years ago, I, as many others do, turned to food for comfort.

Of course it didn’t take long for me to accept my new, unhealthy diet was exacerbating my already high levels of pain which far outweighed any temporary high sugar was giving me. 

Getting back to the wholesome, clean food I was used to and removing any excess weight from my already inflamed joints was such a relief.

But my point is we are all human. People generally put enough pressure on themselves without others offering judgements. If we didn’t slip up we would never learn, grow and inadvertently create new opportunities in this crazy life of ours. Nobody is perfect and I for one am glad.