Meditation, why bother?

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”  Thich Nhat Hanh

I was speaking to a friend last week about meditation. “I can’t be bothered”, she said. “There are so many other, more enjoyable things to do”. Continuing the conversation it became clear that she filled her spare time mainly with tv and reading.  I wouldn’t criticise anyones lifestyle choices, if you have something that makes you happy then great. 

I find though we sometimes use many of our activities as a temporary distraction technique, trying to focus on something, anything, to keep our thoughts at bay. This works to an extent but awareness always creeps in when we least expect or want it. That stomach churning feeling that randomly occurs halfway through our favourite tv programme, when we start thinking about what we have to do the next day, or out enjoying time with friends when we inexplicably start worrying about the bills. That nagging, gnawing feeling that something’s missing, just won’t go away, no matter how much we try to feed it with material possessions or divert our attention away from it.

We all experience life’s highs and lows and it is natural to want to chase the highs. We may embark on a new relationship, change job and for a while feel all is well. We either relax and enjoy that feeling or experience an undercurrent of “this won’t last”, “I don’t deserve this”. Then when the temporary feeling of euphoria does gradually fade away becoming a memory, what next?

We can find ourselves back on the periphery of happiness waiting until things are fixed, changed or improved to get better again. We get caught in the cycle of “when .......... happens I will be happy”. Always waiting, life becomes a perpetual struggle.

We are not born with these feelings of dissatisfaction. They build up bit by bit gradually consuming us and disconnecting us from our conscious awareness, the inner peace that’s always present that we have forgotten we have. Rumi said “we wander from room to room searching for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck”. Call off the search; we are what we seek.

Over time we have constructed a set of conditioned responses we call upon in every situation. When an event happens we label good we fruitlessly try to hang on to that feeling. When a situation we deem bad arises we resist and try to push it away causing us untold stress. We impossibly only want the good. The truth is we are human beings not human doings and we have gotten so busy doing that many of us forget to just Be.

Life is subject to flux. It’s beautifully wild, uncontrollable and ever changing. Recognising that the only thing we can realistically control in the long term is where we focus our attention is the first step on the peace path. 

Through a regular meditation practice  it is possible to change your relationship with your mind, dispelling the negativity enabling you to reconnect to the ever loving, still, silent space within.

Try the following simple meditation: - 

1. Be comfortable, ideally sitting upright on the floor or a chair with your spine as straight as possible. If you have a health condition that makes this posture uncomfortable find a position that works for you.
2. Allow your attention to focus on your breath. This could be the air coming in and out of your nostrils or your chest or abdomen gently rising and falling.
3. Feel each in breath and out breath whilst breathing naturally - you do not need to consciously slow down your breathing.
4. When you notice you have been off thinking (which you will, this is perfectly natural) gently return your focus to the breath without judgement. (It is important to understand that everyone has thoughts when they meditate, it doesn’t make you ‘bad’ at meditating or mean it isn’t working for you).
5. Repeat this cycle for at least 10 minutes every day. Each time you meditate it will be different so start each session with no pre-conceived expectations.

So why bother? Well for me it has really cleansed my thought process. Any fear, jealousy and anxiety has been replaced by a sustainable feeling of completeness. I feel an inner serenity that’s always with me. Ultimately the only way you can find out is by giving it a go yourself.

To attend a meditation workshop or receive one to one coaching and support (also available via Skype) contact me. Next workshop date 13th July, Northamptonshire.

The silly school

“A day without laughter is a day wasted”.  Charlie Chaplin

Pupils at Honiton Community College in Devon were asked by their teachers to be filmed offering tips to the next new intake of students.

Unbeknown to the children the teachers can be seen waving props around and dancing in the background. Traditionally pupils play tricks on the staff at the end of term so to see the tables being turned really made me smile.

I think the children have learnt one valuable lesson – not to take life too seriously – a little bit of silliness is good for the soul.

Watch the Youtube here.

Gaining clarity when exhausted

“Always take the time to do nothing at all”.

The thing about living with chronic pain is that it can make you feel so frickin tired. I have been more active than usual this weekend which has increased my pain levels and left me feeling totally wiped out.

There were times in the not too distant past that this would have sent me spiraling down the path of mild anxiety. How could I possibly get everything done that ‘needed’ doing while feeling so exhausted? I would be jumping from task to task without sufficient energy and concentration to fully complete anything and subsequently feel frustrated at how little I was achieving. 

Today I take a more structured approach which has really helped me prioritise and see that although it is nice to clear tasks when they need doing, very few are actually urgent enough to warrant the feelings of guilt if they aren’t dealt with straight away.

I now keep an ongoing to-do list on my phone and this simple step has really helped me minimise the feeling of overwhelm. Every night before I go to bed it is satisfying to remove anything that I have completed. Even if I think I haven't achieved anything useful there is usually something I have done to reduce my list. I then add any new tasks to one of three sections; priority, nice if time and non-urgent.

The calmness and clarity this routine brings has also helped me sleep better as I am going to bed with a clear mind and not waking up in the night thinking of things that need doing that I had forgotten about.

Today I looked at my to-do list and thought bleuggghhh but a quick scan revealed that there is nothing on it that can’t wait so I shall, without recriminations, have a gentle, relaxed day, absolutely stress free. 

Ahoy there Comfort Zone

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. Neale Donald Walsch

Earlier this year I decided to train as meditation teacher with Sandy Newbigging who Yoga Magazine hails as “one of the best meditation teachers around’. 

I am passionate about meditation, and having trained with Sandy a couple of years previously in the Mind Detox Method I knew that Mind Calm Meditation would fit beautifully into my practice. Both use astonishingly simple but life changing techniques that I have benefited from on a personal level and was eager to be able to share these. 

I have spent the early part of the year completing the coursework, case studies and exam and then came the attendance week. (Pause for dramatic effect). Dum, dum, dummm.

Knowing that this course is aimed at people wanting to teach groups I knew that it would entail vast amounts of public speaking. I had previously believed that I would rather gauge my eyeballs out than stand up and talk to a group, and, with a week of doing just this in the pipeline I had deliberated long and hard about whether to attend.

My desire to spread the love and have others join me on the peace path outweighed my sheer terror and with trepidation I packed up, hugged my children like I might never see them again and headed off with a heavy heart.

When I got to the course venue I realised I was so far out of my comfort zone I couldn’t even see it. But you know what? Contrary to the voices in my head informing me of a million possible outcomes I didn’t faint, vomit or indeed die. 

In terms of personal growth this course was invaluable. In stepping out of my comfort zone I have expanded into a place of quiet confidence. Have I conquered my biggest fear? Who knows? I have three public talks booked in the next few weeks and I will use the techniques I have learnt through this course to enable me to detach completely from the voices in my head telling me I can’t. Umm I think I have just proved that I can thank you.

I am optimistic that I will rise to each challenge as it presents itself and slowly the unknown and frightening will transmute into exciting and exhilarating before settling into the familiar.

For me, as always, it’s the knowing. The reassuring knowing that I have a choice. I could have chosen not to do this and that would have been ok. But I did do it and that was ok too. I am now happy to remain on the periphery of my comfort zone while I wait for the next challenge to show itself, to which I will say “Bring it on” and jump in feet first.

To find out more about Mind Detox, Mind Calm or to book a coaching session with me (also available via Skype), contact me.

It's the simple things

“Look deep into nature then you will understand everything better”. Albert Einstein

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. 

I explained to my family and friends beforehand that although I was grateful for the thoughtfulness of gifts I really didn’t feel I needed any more ‘stuff’. I am completely content with my life and I thought nothing I received materially could enhance the day-to-day happiness I feel.

Ummm it turns out I was wrong.

My children bought me a bird feeder for the garden as my old bird table was too rotten to move when we relocated last year. It has a steady stream of winged visitors and has had the whole family completely captivated.

I have passed many an hour (hence the lack of blogging lately) sitting peacefully in a chair observing the habits of our feathered friends.

There is the huge pigeon who regularly lands with such a thud in the water bowl he capsizes the whole feeder (inspiring my son to draw a no pigeons allowed sign now stuck in the window); to the sparrows who drop seeds to our eagerly awaiting spaniel.

We are now making our own fatballs (boy can those birds eat) and this simple gift has bought me more joy than any designer handbag or diamond jewelry could do.

The best things in life really are (virtually) free.

People are inherently good

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibres connect us with our fellow men".  

Herman Melville.

I recently moved from a small friendly village to a big, impersonal town. I have to be honest, it was a big upheaval.

Relocating from somewhere with such a strong sense of community to a place where people drive everywhere and appear to not know their neighbours was slightly disheartening. 

Last week I stopped at the shops at the end of my road to buy a loaf of bread. Usually I go to the nearest supermarket but on this occasion I was really pushed for time and thought this would be the quickest option.

I had, luckily, got out of my car when a speeding car came past smashing into the car next to me and then crashing into mine. The young, inexperienced driver drove off straight away leaving me shocked and a bit bewildered as to what to do next.

Within minutes I was surrounded by people from both the shops and the flats above them. Numerous people had written down the numberplate for me, one called the police, another went to check if the CCTV camera had recorded it and one kind lady said I could wait in her flat and offered to make me tea.

I was literally overwhelmed by kindness and hang on steadfastly to my belief that people are inherently good. A fact it is so easy to lose sight of with the hundreds of media reports each week implying otherwise.

Initially I was sad there was nothing beautiful about where I am now living but I was wrong. The people are. 

Spreading joy to the world

“Peace begins with a smile.”   Mother Teresa

This 54ft rubber duck, designed by Dutch artist Florentijn Hoffman has been titled 'Spreading joy around the world'.

Florentijn created this giant inflatable as he wants to help people reconnect with their childhood and make them smile. He explains "My sculptures give people a break from their daily routines. Passers-by stop in front of them and enter into conversation with other spectators. People are making contact with each other again".

I love this simple yet effective way to brighten someones day. I believe most people would find such a sight uplifting. It's great that it's made from recycled material too.

As Florentijn explains on his website "The rubber duck knows no frontiers, it doesn't discriminate against people and doesn't have a political connotation".

The duck has so far stopped at Sydney, Hong Kong, Osaka and Auckland and is rumoured to be heading the US next (it is deflated for transportation).

Joy is lovely to feel and even better to share. Thank you Florentijn.