Pursue your passion

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you”.   

Oprah Winfrey

Having moved to a new town where I don’t know anyone I made the brave decision to gatecrash the local creative writers’ group last night.

As soon as I arrived I instantly knew I would really like these people, and not just because they meet in a pub regularly.

When you have a passion for something it lights you up from the inside out. These people weren’t just looking for a hobby to pass the time; they had a genuine love for their craft. I watched them animatedly discussing their latest ideas, with big smiles and shining eyes and couldn’t help feeling totally relaxed, despite them all being strangers (or friends I hadn’t yet met before?).

I am relatively new to writing. Some of you know I started after I lost my mobility and needed a hobby to pass the time. It’s now something I incorporate into my life almost daily and has replaced the sports I used to play yet still leaves me feeling fulfilled.

I think it’s so important to have something that’s just ‘ours’ in this world. It’s a busy old life, especially for those of us with families, and sometimes it can feel we are being pulled in all directions. Pursuing your passion keeps you grounded, combats anxiety and depression and instills a sense of purpose. Experiencing such intense emotion about a specific part of your life can’t help but encourage positivity in other areas too.

If you can’t think of anything you love to do think back to when you were a child. Did you love playdoh, making models? Could you transfer that to a creative hobby now? My son used to love spending time outdoors in his tent and is now a keen nature photograph.

We all have our ‘thing’. Something that excites us, and makes our heart sing.  Have you found yours?

An epic pay it forward

I read a news story today that filled me with such a warm fuzzy feeling I wanted to share it with those of you who may not have heard it.

Tony Tolbert, a 51 year old Lawyer in Los Angeles, moved back home with his mum so he could offer his furnished home, rent free for a year, to a homeless family he had never met before. Tony visited a shelter and met Felicia Dukes the lucky recipient of this generous offer. Felicia lived at the shelter with three of her children but the eldest was deemed too old to stay with them.

Growing up Tony's father, Jimmy, always helped people where he could, often offering a spare bed to those who needed it.

"You don't have to be Bill Gates or Warren Buffet or Oprah," Tony said. "We can do it wherever we are, with whatever we have, and for me, I have a home that I can make available."

On hearing the news Felicia recalls "They had a young man that wanted to donate their house to you for a year, and I'm like, what? Like -- Are you serious? My heart just fills up and stuff, um....I'm just really happy".

Tony Tolbert talked to the media about the life lessons he learned from his father, who is now suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.

"Kindness creates kindness. Generosity creates generosity. Love creates love," he said. "And I think if we can share some of that and have more stories about people doing nice things for other people, and fewer stories about people doing horrible things to other people, that's a better world".

How completely awesome is that?

Before you dismiss it as a lovely story but not something you could ever do, take a second to think about it. If you have food to eat and somewhere to sleep you probably have all that you actually need, anything else is a bonus.

Embracing the concept of gratitude fully, and practicing it every day, enables you to open heartedly start sharing the love. Many of us pay it forward everyday without consciously realising it. Imagine what could happen if we consciously tried to do something on a regular basis too? Although it may seem impossible to carry out an act on the scale of Tony Tolbert's don't underestimate anything you can do. What would seemingly seem a small thing to you can make a huge difference to someone's life.

Regardless of your personal or financial situation love and a smile are two things you can share at the very least.

Be kind.

Louise xx

If you pay it forward in some way or hear of any similar stories please post on our pay it forward thread http://www.thehappystarfish.com/community.html or our our Facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/happystarfishpublishing

Love shines on in New Delhi

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive". Dalai Lama

I was shocked and saddened to read of the gang rape and murder of a student on a moving bus in New Delhi recently. The sheer magnitude of terror this poor girl and her boyfriend must have experienced is incomprehensible. Such brutality is unfathomable and I send my deepest condolences to their family and friends.

On Thursday a group of 600 guitarists joined together to play "Imagine" by John Lennon. The anthem for Peace, Love and Hope.

The group assembled at a music festival in the eastern Indian hilltown of Darjeeling on Thursday, nearly three weeks after the senseless act brought an outpouring of national anger.

Sonam Bhutia, tourism secretary of Darjeeling and one of the festival organisers is quoted by the media as saying "We chose this song because it talks about hope, peace and promise. The song is so inspiring. It talks about a universe without any boundaries. The tribute was a gesture on our part to show that we are with the victim's family in their hour of unimaginable sorrow".

Whatever tragedies befall upon us, Love can always find a way to shine through.

I choose to forgive

“Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself”.

I have just had a horrible experience.

Going out with my son for the first time in his new car (he has just passed his driving test) we parked in a disabled bay (using my eligibility badge) only to have a complete stranger come and shout at us aggressively that we shouldn’t be there.

I don’t “look” disabled apparently and if I was I would be unable to stand at all.

He then started taking photos of us and of the car and filming us. His idea was to intimidate and to a point, it worked. I wanted to remove my son from the situation as quickly as possible. Naturally he was upset knowing what I have been through health-wise and wanted to stick up for me.

So what can you do when someone intentionally tries to ruin your day?

I had various options. I could have shouted back, tried to justify myself, let my son deal with him, got upset or, as I have in the past, felt ashamed of my disability and let an experience like this put me off going out at all.

Instead I choose to forgive him. Yes he was rude, misinformed, judgemental and ignorant but this will have a greater impact on him throughout his life, far greater than he had on mine today.

Forgiveness ensures that I can let this experience go and not harbour any negative feelings surrounding it. It was unpleasant but no amount of lamenting can change it. By forgiving this man I am also forgiving myself for not reacting in a different way. I know that not dwelling on what I could of or should have done or said is far better for my emotional and physical health.

Holding on to anger and bitterness will, eventually manifest itself physically. By embracing forgiveness I am also embracing love, peace and all things good. Leaving me free to continue travelling along the road to healing unhindered. 

It is a shame that people aren’t always as compassionate and open as we would hope them to be. All I can continue to do is to treat people with the same love and respect I would like to be shown.

Be kind. Always.

Louise xx

Not everyone is celebrating

"Happy New Year".

Three little words that have appeared with alarming regularity in my social network feeds today. Many people have plans and have started partying already. If you are one of them, I hope you have a good night.

What of those though who haven't had such a great year? Those who have lost someone they love, be it through a passing or the end of a relationship and can't see a reason to celebrate?

I have been in this position and it can feel incredibly lonely and isolating watching (seemingly) the entire world celebrate and yet feeling separate from it yourself.

If it's your first New Year without a special someone in your life be gentle with yourself. Do what feels right to you and don't feel guilty about it. If you want to be alone don't let anyone tell you that's wrong. It can be the loneliest feeling in the world sometimes to be surrounded be people.

If someone special has passed this year, honour them by raising a glass and toasting their memory. Know they would want you to go on and be happy. To live your life to the fullest.

If you are lucky enough not to have had a loss this year be mindful of those who have. A quick phone call to let someone know they are being thought of can mean so much.

Unfortunately we don't all get the opportunity to see 2013 but for those that do allow yourself to be loved, by others and, most most importantly yourself. Treasure those who are important to you and don't put off saying what is in your heart until a "better" time. There might not be another time.

I wish each and everyone of you a Peaceful and Loving New Year.

The only New Years Resolution you will EVER need

It's that crazy time of year again when lists are made with often unachievable, sometimes downright ridiculous goals.

Three people I know have already decided on theirs. One is currently eating through the Christmas food like there is a famine approaching so she can start a diet on January 1st, another has signed up to a gym but she doesn't want to actually start until New Year (although she has bought all the kit), and the third is "absolutely, definitely" going to give up smoking this year "for sure".

Sound familiar?

How often have you made a resolution only to break it and subsequently feel negatively about yourself? Why not try something different this year?

Although I don't really condone New Years Resolutions (why delay feeling happy until you are thinner/fitter/healthier etc?) if you want to make one, try this:-

"Be Kind"

Yep, it really is that simple. Be kind to yourself. If you need to change your diet, improve your fitness, give up smoking etc by all means try. That's being kind to yourself. However, if it doesn't work out don't be hard on yourself. You are not a failure. Be Kind.

Someone treating you not in a way you would choose to be treated? Be Kind. You don't know what's going on with them, and you are not a mind reader so don't second guess. Everyone has their own story to tell and we all could benefit from some kindness, always.

You can Be Kind, to anyone, in any situation but most of all, remember to apply it to yourself. Kindness flows into gratitude which transmutes into love. What more do we actually need?

If everyone used this as their New Years Resolution how lovely the world would be.

Happy New Year.

Louise xx

Do we have free choice?

"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't". Steve Maraboli

Ok so living in the Now, going with the flow and not resisting life are things I try to live by every day. The flip side to this is that I do like order, routine and stability. Hey I'm a Taurus, it's not my fault, I am pre-programmed to dislike change.

I think it is natural to want to feel some sort of control over our own lives, to be the driver of our own bus as it were, and to an extent we are.

We have the right to free choice which we exercise every day. This morning I changed my mind twice before settling for porridge for breakfast for example. What about the biggies though? The things we would change if we could?

My pain and mobility levels have taken a drastic turn for the worst this past week. Actually this is something I am handling really well. I am just letting it be. Not fighting the way I feel, getting frustrated or pushing myself too hard. This is just a temporary state I know. I hope to improve again, I may get worse, who knows? I certainly don't and won't spend my days analysing if I have done something to cause this and living out possible scary scenarios in my mind.

It is harder with my son though who is still poorly after a month. I want to stamp my feet, have a good cry and make things different. I want him well, full of energy and back at school. If I give into these feelings though, let them consume me, all I will change is the energy of our whole household, and not in a good way either. So how do we dispel these unhealthy urges?

Meditating is what keeps my mind clear. I can let the thoughts, whatever they may be, pop into my head and then let them drift away. I guess, to an extent, I treat my mind like a naughty child. If it misbehaves I don't put my attention on it. When it behaves in a more positive way I am happy to focus on the way I feel.

After a meditation I feel calmer, energised and happier. I know I am not affecting my son with any negative energy as he easily picks up on the way I feel. It's such an invaluable tool, easy to do anywhere and breaks the cycle of chatter that can be detrimental to my emotional well-being.

There are many things, we can't, with the best will in the world influence, but we can choose to change the way we feel about them. Now, back to things I can control. Hmmm, now what to have for lunch? 

Spreading the love

Louise xx