Embracing Change

‘The only thing we can rely on in life is change.’

I like to think I’m spontaneous, open to new experiences, adventures, but at the same time, I like my routine. Structure. My little bit of normality.

My life has altered enormously over the past few years and more change is steamrollering towards me. My best friend is moving to Wales on Monday, my son leaving home, exciting things happening career wise. A real mixed bag.  Emotions are heightened. There’s a sense of waiting. Waiting until things settle. Longing for the stillness. The quietness that comes when you know where you are; feet planted on the floor. But that quietness only comes through acceptance of present circumstances. Things are what they are, not necessarily what we want them to be; and that’s not always a bad thing. How often has something happened and we’ve thought it the end of the world at the time, only to feel relief later as we look back?

I often tell the story of the Farmer and the Horse in my Mindfulness classes. A little reminder to hang-fire with judgements. Things aren’t always what they seem.

And so I wait. 

And I choose to believe the fluttering I feel in my stomach is excitement, not anxiety. That my future will be bright, because ultimately we get to choose how we feel and today, I choose to be happy. How about you?

The Farmer and the Horse (origin unknown)

 A farmer had one old horse that he used for tilling his fields. One day the horse escaped into the hills and when all the farmer’s neighbours heard about it, they sympathised with the old man over his bad luck. “Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?” said the farmer.

 A week later, the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills and this time the neighbours congratulated the farmer on his good luck. “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” said the farmer.

 Then, when the farmer’s son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone agreed that this was very bad luck. Not the farmer, who replied, “Bad Luck? Good luck? Who knows?”

 Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and forced every able-bodied young man to go fight in a bloody war. When they saw that the farmer’s son had a broken leg, they let him stay. The neighbours congratulated the farmer on his good luck. “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” said the farmer.

 And on it goes….

Mindfulness - Responding not Reacting

It’s been a strange few weeks for me. I’ve been betrayed by someone I once considered a friend which has cost me both financially and personally. I’ve been left feeling hurt and bewildered, unable to quite understand what has happened or why.

Pre-Mindfulness I would have reacted to this situation instantaneously, from the heart, without taking time or space to consider my options. As it is, I have been able to wait, think things through rationally and calmly. Reacting automatically is an understandable human response but it can make situations worse. I’m sure everyone has responded, from a place of heightened emotion, to an email, text, or comment and then had that stomach churning ‘why did I do that?’ feeling later on.

In today’s instant world it’s so easy, with 24/7 access to text, social networking and email, to mindlessly fire off a message within seconds and then wish there was a retract button.

Being kind is a choice. 

Mindfulness has taught me patience, compassion and self-respect.  It’s been an invaluable tool. I don’t know where I’d be without it.

Find out more about Mindfulness, here.

Zen tale - The Scorpion

The Scorpion (author unknown)

A zen master was bathing in the river when he noticed a scorpion almost drowning.

He lifted out the scorpion and placed it on a nearby rock to dry. Just was he was withdrawing his hand the scorpion bit him.

The people sitting by the river observed this and they said to him ‘What have you achieved? You have saved him, only to get yourself bitten.’

The zen master replied ‘I did what I had to do according to my nature. The scorpion did what he had to do according to his. I can not change him just as he cannot change me.’

Morris the Mindful Monkey

Mindfulness is more than sitting in formal meditation, it’s being fully absorbed in the task in hand, not engaging with distracting thoughts. Yesterday I didn’t want to do a long meditation, I wanted to spend some quality time with my son so I got my creative on and we transformed a pair of his socks into Morris the Mindful Monkey. It’s hard not to be present when doing something expressive.

In today’s super-busy society hobbies can fall by the wayside, but hobbies are often where our minds quieten and our feelings of stress can dissipate. Finding the time to factor something you love into your day is not always easy. It can feel self-indulgent and encourage feelings of guilt, but by looking after our own emotional needs we are then better placed to help take care of family and friends.

When was the last time you did something just for fun?

Vegan Pasta Sauce

I made this for dinner last night and it was so yummy I had to share.

I cubed half a butternut squash and two sweet potatoes. Drizzled with oil, sprinkled with herbs and roast in the oven for twenty minutes until they were soft. I then blitzed them in a food processor with a can of coconut milk and a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar. I heated the sauce, adding vegetable stock until it reached the consistency I wanted (I used about 1/3 pint) and seasoned.

In a separate pan I melted some coconut oil and tossed in chilli flakes, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, and toasted over a low heat.

I served the sauce over pasta with a sprinkling of crunchy seeds. Delicious.

Mental Health Awareness Week

 

Count your blessings

Count? My mind is hazy. I cannot concentrate on the simplest of tasks.

Snap out of it

Snap? I have slept for twelve hours but still don’t have the energy to move.

A good meal will cheer you up

I told you I cannot eat. My throat is constricted, my stomach a mass of swirling emotions.

Turn that frown upside down 

I try. I really do, but my face feels like a grotesque mask.

If you can’t be bothered to help yourself

I am screaming for help, can’t you hear me? But the room is silent and you turn away.

 

 

It is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. Depression is not something you choose.

 

We have experience in teaching Mindfulness within the Mental Health field to sufferers and carers. 

Please contact us for more information.

 

The simple life

The simple life is the best. To live an uncomplicated, stress free life is something people often talk about, but if the simple life really is the best why aren’t we living it?

Realistically, there are not many of us who could go and live up a mountain, or deep within nature. We have friends, family, people we care about. We have careers that are necessary to pay for the homes we live in. We work hard, we want nice things, holidays, evenings out.

We get tired. We want entertaining. The days of standing around the piano singing are long gone, we stream movies, shop online, check social networking sites an inordinate amount of time.

We often eat in front of the tv, plates balanced on our laps, smartphone in hand, the tv on in the background.

The harder we work, the more we want to rewards ourselves with material possessions and holidays. The pleasure holidays and new purchases give us is often fleeting, leaving us dissatisfied, wanting more, so we work harder. We worry more. We overthink. We miss the present moment.

We put huge amounts of pressure on ourselves to have the ‘perfect life.’

Mindfulness enabled me to strip back my life, to step away from the drama, to break the endless loop of unhelpful thinking, to get back to basics and really appreciate what I have, right here, right now.

‘Life is simple but we insist on making it complicated.’

I don’t entirely agree with this quote. Life isn’t always, can’t by its very nature always simple, it can be wild, unpredictable and challenging, but the more fully present we are, the simpler life feels and the more contentment we have.

How complicated is your life?

Grieving Mindfully

I have had a quiet few months. A bereavement before Christmas left me reeling, numb to life and questioning everything. I took a step back, I stopped teaching classes and blogging.

Loss is something we all experience within our lifetime, it is impossible to live, to love, without it; but I have found grief to be oddly isolating. There are no two people who experience grief in the same way and despite being reassured by people who have also experienced a loss ‘I know exactly how you feel,’ they don’t. No one can.

I turned to Mindfulness originally after acquiring a chronic health condition as a way to manage both my physical pain and my emotional distress without medication. Suffice to say it is, again, my practice that is allowing me to explore my feelings, to practice self-compassion and to let my experience be exactly what it is without judgement. By that I mean that I have allowed myself the time and space I feel I need without self-criticism. I knew that I would return to work when, and only when, I felt ready and I feel that time is now.

I return to teaching tomorrow. We have five fully booked classes scheduled in the next four days and I am curious to see how my teaching style has changed. I am not the same person I was, my self compassion has increased tenfold and I feel this will influence the teachings I pass on.

I will continue to grieve mindfully, to explore my feelings however uncomfortable they may be.

I will continue to live.

Have yourself a stress-free Christmas

 

 

“Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more....” Dr Seuss.

 

Wow, it's hard to believe we are in December already, this year has flown by so fast. Have you written your cards? Wrapped your gifts? Feel in control of your pre-holiday preparations?

If the thought of the impending celebrations make you want to cower under the kitchen table you’re not alone. Follow my tips for a stress-free Christmas.

 

     Look after yourself. This has to be number one. It's only natural to worry about everyone else making sure they have what they need to enjoy the festive period but if you are not ok your family is not ok. Frantically running around in your lunch break searching for the perfect gifts will take its toll on your emotional and physical health. Take regular time out to rejuvenate. 10 minutes mindful breathing a day will do wonders for your stress levels. Delegate where you can - who says you have to do it all on your own?

 

     Take a reality check. You may have a to-do list a mile long but what would actually happen if you didn't do everything on it? The world wouldn't end if everything wasn't perfectly co-ordinated or if the place cards weren't handmade. Condense your list down and don't sweat the small stuff.

 

     Let go of traditions that don't work for you. You probably have an idea of the 'right' way to celebrate christmas that comes from childhood traditions but do they actually work for you and your family? My friend refuses to cook, spends all day in her pyjamas, has pizza for dinner and has the best time.

 

     Embrace the imperfection. It is natural to want the day to be perfect but demanding perfection is a form of control. Relax. So the kids want to decorate the tree their way, the decorations are hand made, not symmetrically hung and would never be featured in a glossy magazine. Who cares really but you

 

     Cheat if you want to. I used to be THE worst for having to have everything home made. Stuffing, bread sauce, you name it, I would slave over a saucepan to create it. Now I am happy to buy store bought to make the day easier for me. I get to spend more quality time with my children and nobody notices the difference. Everyone remembers a big family meal around a table. The love, the laughter and the sharing. Nobody remembers whether the cranberry sauce came out of a jar or not.

 

     Ditch the judgement. Your Uncle Jack is notoriously hard to buy for but you have found him the perfect gift. He opens it, frowns and places it to one side. How do you feel? Don't let the negative committee in your head tell you that you got it spectacularly wrong, that you have failed in some way or even that he is an ungrateful pig. Take a breath and move on.

 

     Memories not material. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. It's not worth starting a New Year stressed out and debt ridden. Ultimately the most important thing about the holidays is the memories you create. In ten years time your children will never remember what presents they received but they will remember the togetherness. Find perfection in the love not the stuff.

 

Happy Holidays x

Tell me I can't? Watch me.

You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

I used to believe that everything, anyone told me was the absolute truth. If I announced a desire to do something I would listen earnestly to my family, friends, doctors, the person in the post office queue, if they didn't think it was a good idea, I didn't try. After all everyone has my best interests at heart, right?

Actually, not always, no. I'm not sure why some people try to deter others, to keep them from their goals. I don't believe it is always malicious, or jealousy. I think sometimes it seems inconceivable that someone could accomplish something that may be seemingly unobtainable to other. Imagine the reaction when Thomas Eddison first announced he wanted to make a lightbulb. Maybe there is a desire to stop someone potentially getting hurt by failing. To me though, the only failure is not to try.

I have learnt over the past few years, through mindfulness, to establish a loving, kindly relationship with myself and to trust and respect my own opinion. I have cultivated a self belief I never would have dreamed was possible a few years ago. That's why, when several months ago, I decided to try to write a novel, with no creative writing experience I was prepared for the negativity that followed.

'It takes at least three years to write a first book.' 'Most people give up before the end.' 'The first book you ever write will be rubbish.' 'There is so much completion, it's not even worth trying.' 'You have neither the time, nor the energy to do it.'

You name it, I heard it, but I heard something stronger. A little voice inside whispering, watch me.

I am really happy that I have now completed the first draft of my novel and feedback from early readers has been really positive.  I believed I could and I did.

What if......?

'But you don't know how,' taunts doubt. 

'You're not good enough, strong enough or clever enough,’ whispers negativity.

'But what if you tried?' urges hope fluttering its tiny wings, vibrations course through me, propelling me forwards.

It is time to make a choice. 

I stand of the precipice of fear, close my eyes and jump.

I fly.

The Scent of Happiness

I wrote a 100 word piece of Flash Fiction this week called The Scent of Happiness. (You can read here if you wish).

Our sense of smell is inordinately powerful. It can make us mentally time travel to a past experience within seconds. The smell of home baking transports me back to my Nana's kitchen, the smell of suncream links me to building sandcastles on a beach with my children. These are all pleasant experiences to revisit. The smell of Gin however, reminds me of teenage heartbreak, of drinking too much in an effort to console my poor, broken heart.

We are often not consciously aware of these sensory links. We may smell something that links us to an unpleasant memory, like the one above, and find ourselves in a low mood, without quite understanding why. In the case of a pleasant memory we may feel sad it has gone, wishing we could cling on to the happy feelings, scared we will never feel that way again.

Through Mindfulness we learn to recognise these sensory links and the physical sensations that may accompany them and observe them in a kindly, non judgemental way. Rather than resisting or ignoring the emotions that are present for us, (what we resist persist) we learn to let them be, to practice acceptance and self compassion, in a way that fully supports our health and wellbeing.

To find out more about our Mindfulness courses or one to one coaching (also available via Skype) please visit our website and contact us for further information.

Nobody's perfect (that's why pencils have erasers)

“If we judge people we have no time to love them”. Mother Teresa 

I am a long-term gold member of weight watchers and attend the obligatory 5 meetings a year to keep my membership active. 

At my last meeting the Leader was talking about WW headquarters and how some of the girls that work there can’t reach or stay at their target weights. Perfectly acceptable I thought. Other members of my group clearly didn’t think so.

Numerous comments were made insinuating that weight watchers shouldn’t employ staff that haven’t got their weight under control. 

It’s crazy that people think like that. No-one is infallible. I was so tempted to stand up and say “my name’s Louise, I’m a nutritional therapist and I ate too much cake’.

Yes I may know, in theory, the perfect diet, but when I developed a chronic health condition several years ago, I, as many others do, turned to food for comfort.

Of course it didn’t take long for me to accept my new, unhealthy diet was exacerbating my already high levels of pain which far outweighed any temporary high sugar was giving me. 

Getting back to the wholesome, clean food I was used to and removing any excess weight from my already inflamed joints was such a relief.

But my point is we are all human. People generally put enough pressure on themselves without others offering judgements. If we didn’t slip up we would never learn, grow and inadvertently create new opportunities in this crazy life of ours. Nobody is perfect and I for one am glad.

Are you living your best life?

“Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?  Mary Oliver

Today I feel humbled, full of blessings and more than slightly in awe of the incredible lady I met today. She is in her 60's, terminally ill, housebound and one of the most positive people I have ever met. She contacted me through the awesome charity Stages to ask if I would go to her home to teach her mindfulness. She had been reading a lot about it and was curious. I had heard her backstory before I went and aside from her ill health this lady has been through a LOT.

I feel grateful to have had the privilege to meet this lady. Although I am teaching her mindfulness over the next few weeks I have a feeling she will be teaching me far more about living. To retain dignity, hope and a sense of curiosity in such difficult circumstances was really inspirational to me.  Having a disability I do try to always focus on the things I can do, rather than the things I can't and this morning was a great reminder that you are never too old, sick or immobile to seek out a new experience and find some joy in life. Are you making the best of yours?

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” 

Super Sprouting

"If you don't look after your body; where are you going to live"?

I often talk to people who really want to improve their diet and overall health but genuinely can’t afford to spend more than they already are on their weekly grocery bill, which sometimes in this economic climate, is next to nothing.

Sprouting is something I often recommend. A sprout is the transitional stage between seed and plant. For very little expenditure and effort sprouted pluses, nuts and grains are nutritious, fresh, tasty and, I believe, one of the most underestimated foods available to us today.

With virtually zero effort, no preparation or cooking they are the ideal food for a busy lifestyle. Grown in your own home they are a clean safe food eaten raw, ensuring nothing is destroyed or altered in the cooking process.

Grains are the staple diet of much of the world’s population, generally ground, baked or boiled making it difficult to extract the nutrients as these processes damage the food.

Our digestive systems are not equipped to digest raw grains and pulses, of which many contain enzyme inhibitors that interfere with our digestion. Enzyme inhibitors are there to prevent seeds sprouting prematurely and can cause us headaches, stomach pains and gas, but are destroyed during the cooking process.

To sprout a seed and then consume it is a totally natural form of eating, great for your overall health. Try it and watch your energy levels shoot up and your hair, skin and nails improve.

What to sprout – There are so many to choose from! My personal favourites are; Alfalfa (contains alkaline protein, vitamins B & E, unsaturated fatty acids and calcium). Mung (amino acids, iron, potassium and vitamin C). Aduki (Vitamin C, iron and amino acids). Sunflower (vitamin B, E, amino acids, calcium, phosphorus, iron, magnesium and potassium). Have a look around your local health food store – there are plenty on offer.

Equipment - You can buy sprouting jars, alternatively any large glass jars with a neck large enough to fit your hand inside is sufficient if you cover the top with muslin or nylon mesh and secure with a rubber band or string. Sprouting jars will come with a stand which allows them to drain at 45O, if you using a regular jar be sure to have some place to prop them against.

Method – Place the required amount of seed in the jar and half fill with water. Cover the jar with cloth or screw on lid if using a sprouting jar. Leave to soak for the required length of time (each seed is different and instructions should be on bag). Drain the water off and wash thoroughly. Drain at 45o for 2 minutes.

Place the somewhere not too warm or bright (they will dry out too much) to grow. Sprouts do well in the temperature and humidity which suits us best.

Rinse and drain sprouts once a day for the next two to five days until they are sprouting and ready to eat.

How to eat – Can be added to salads, as a garnish, sandwiches, finger snacks, soups, casseroles, on crackers, stir fry, juices.

Experiment and have some fun with it. Happy sprouting.

Oh Spirulina, you taste so bad (and smell even worse)

Spirulina, a highly nutritious micro salt plant, is ridiculously good for you. A complete protein containing all the essential amino acids, it also containing a range of vitamins and minerals. This super food has many potential health benefits including boosting the immune system and energy levels, improving digestion, controlling appetite, it supports the vital organs and, due to the chlorophyll, it is a great all round detoxer. 

To aid my health condition I have taken spirulina supplements regularly due to the high levels of the essential fatty acid gamma linolenic acid (GLA) which is proven to reduce inflammation and the iron and B vitamins help combat my fatigue.

Last time I decided to have a change from capsules and bought some powder to add to my raw juice each day. I was chatting to my son as I opened the packet and he visibly recoiled as the smell came wafting out. "Mum, you've taken health too far" he said as he slowly backed away. Sniffing the contents I had to agree he had a point.

The first time I added it to my juice didn't go well. It wasn't entirely the taste (although that was bad enough) but the stench turned my stomach every time I took a sip.

Now braver people than I may be able to add this to water and knock it back but not me so I set off on a quest to make it more palatable.

There are a myriad of recipes online all claiming to make spirulina more palatable and I have tried many. I couldn't find one which masked the smell and I found them hard to tolerate. When it came to juices the only way I found to tone down the taste was to add 2 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar. 

Next I decided to add to food. I tried David Wolfe's spirulina and chocolate ball recipe. 

¼ cup hempseed
½ cup raw cacao powder
1-2 tbsp spirulina
3 tbsp virgin coconut oil
2 tbsp raw honey
1 pinch sea salt

You mix all ingredients together, roll into balls and freeze for 15 minutes. You can eat straight from the freezer.

My husband liked these but I could still taste the spirulina, although I couldn't smell it anymore. (it is worth noting that different brands have slightly different taste and smells so it is worth shopping around to find a brand that suits you).

As a last ditch attempt before I added the powered to empty vegetarian capsules I thought I would try a smoothie. I blended almond milk with a handful of frozen berries, 2 tsp spirulina, 2 tsp cacao powder, 2 tsp flax seeds and 1 tsp agave nectar. Success - it tastes (and smells) fantastic.

I would love to know of your spirulina experiences. 

Make your own Almond Milk

It is super easy to make your own almond milk with a little forward planning.  Loaded with minerals, vitamin E, calcium, magnesium and potassium - this dairy free milk also tastes delicious.

To make you will need 1.5 cups of raw almonds and a straining bag. (Most people used blanched almonds but I don't worry as you strain it all at the end anyway).

Soak the almonds in water to soften - overnight is best but at least 4 hours.

Strain the water from the almonds and place in blender with 1 cup of water. 

Blend until they become a smooth paste (this doesn't take long at all). Don't worry too much about the appearance at this stage. This is particularly unattractive as the almonds weren't blanched.

Add another 3 cups of water and blend again until smooth and frothy.

Now you can, if you wish, add something to sweeten the milk and give another blitz (i.e a couple of dates, cinnamon, honey, syrup or vanilla). I personally sweeten mine when I wish to drink but leave unsweetened in the fridge so I can cook savoury sauces with it. 

Strain (I use a jam straining bag).  You can (just) see the skins are retained in the bag.

Bottle and enjoy. 

Store the milk in the fridge until you want to use. I freeze some too (remember not to overfill containers as will explained a little when frozen).

5 mindful ways to start your day

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn

What do you do when you wake up? Do you instantly lurch headlong into a world full of status updates and tweets, or ease yourself mindfully into the day ahead? The way we choose to spend those first precious moments after waking can set the tone for the hours that follow. 

It is all too easy to reach for the smartphone to turn off the alarm and automatically start checking emails, social networking sites and the news. Our minds go into overdrive. Our thought train has gone from resting to racing, absorbing depressing news stories, frantically compiling a list of things we absolutely mustn't forget to do. Beginning the day in such a busy way can cause underlying anxiety and agitation affecting the way we react to inevitable forthcoming challenges.

Integrate these five steps into your morning routine and notice how centred you feel as you go about the rest of your day.

1) When you wake carry out a mindful check in. Start by becoming aware of your breathing. Feel the weight of your body on the bed. Notice your temperature, any physical sensations that are present. Spend a few moments noticing any thoughts and emotions that are present. What is your underlying mood today?

2) When getting out of bed, fully feel your feet on the floor. Ease into some mindful movement. Bringing awareness to your movement trains your focus, a tool you can use in everyday life.

3) Bring presence to your routine. When showering become aware of the sensations of the water on your body. Hear the sound of the cascading water. Notice the scent of the products you use. Fully feel your fingertips massaging your scalp as you wash your hair. How does it feel to fully experience the present moment?

4) Eat your breakfast mindfully. Fully connect with the pleasures of eating, without feeling the need to be multi tasking. Notice the texture, the smell and the flavours of your food.

 5) Before leaving for work meditate for 5 minutes. Sit and notice the breath where it makes itself most predominantly known to you, be it the abdomen, nostrils or chest. If it helps you concentrate count each breath, the in breath as 1, the out breath as 2 etc. until you get to ten and then begin again. 

Prioritising your internal world and leaving the external world where it is for a few moments longer eases you gently into the day with calmness and purpose enabling you to react to any challenges with clarity.

What I have learned in my first year of marriage

A year ago today I was lucky enough to marry my best friend. Those that read My Gretna Green Wedding blog know that we chose to elope and had an amazing week, with the minimum of planning, completely living in the present moment. We were full of love, joy and completely open to adventure. So what happened when we came home and reality hit?

Well, I learned:

To retain my sense of self - 'They,' (and I am not quite sure who 'they' are) say the first year of marriage is the hardest.  I wasn't expecting to have a period of adjustment. After all we lived together and had a family, but surprisingly, I did initially question my identity. I had spent many years since acquiring a disability learning to love and accept myself exactly who I was. I didn't want to revert from having complete acceptance to being labelled a 'wife,' and risk losing a little of myself. It was for this reason I refrained from changing my surname. I may do this in the future but I quite like the feeling of independence retaining my maiden name has given me. Of course, not many people feel the need to do this but it has been a long, hard road emotionally to get to where I am today. I make my own choices, for my own good, because I can.

Always take your partner seriously - It is awesome to feel that someone has my back no matter what I do or say and that support is wholeheartedly given back. As a writer my imagination is often in overdrive (which is why I use mindfulness so much to balance it out). I know no matter how inane the things I think or say are (and I do have some crazy thoughts) Tim will give all my fears, ideas and plans equal consideration. We never belittle each others dreams, or use them as entertaining dinner party conversation. There are enough people in the world who run you down. Love and support the one who backs you up.

Communicate. Talk, talk and then talk some more - There is a tale I tell in my classes sometimes about a couple. She asks 'would you like steak or fish for dinner?' He replies 'I don't mind.' Months later, at couples counselling she recounts this story as 'I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he said he didn't care.' 'Oh no,' he said, 'I was trying to make life easier for you. Whatever you cook is delicious and I really appreciate it.' A basic example but it is so easy to misconstrue what someone tells you. Every day we make sure we are on the same page.

Love yourself first - I wouldn't be able to love my husband as wholeheartedly as I do if I didn't love myself. Those who have issues in relationships surrounding jealously, putting each other down, being over clingy or distant need to work on their relationship with themselves. I take time each day to meditate. By practicing mindfulness I can connect with any emotions and thoughts as they arise and observe them in a non-judgemental, kindly way.  I am secure in myself and therefore secure in my relationship.

Make couple time - Urgghh, I almost didn't put this in as it is so cliched but it is so important. It's easy to stop really seeing your partner, to take them for granted. I know as parents we are often so focused on the children weeks go by and we have not really had anytime to ourselves. We diarise us time whenever we can, writing it on the calendar as if it's an appointment (but way more enjoyable). I love my husband so much I have chosen to share the rest of my life with him. It seems crazy to not schedule regular alone time. 

Make your love for each other more important than any obstacles or temptations life puts in your way. Always.

Where would the world be?

 

I wrote a short story on my fiction blog on Saturday called 'Where would the world be,' (you can read below).

If I was granted one wish in this lifetime it would be to make people a little kinder towards each other. Often it can be hard to know how, or ever when to help but I firmly believe there are small acts of kindness we could carry out almost daily. These small acts could truly enrich the lives of others and if we all led by example and paid it forward just imagine the overall effect on humanity. but, and here's the thing, everyone needs to do something.

There are those, like Janet, in the story below, who does one thing, to validate her self worth but is blinkered when it comes to others genuinely needing a bit of support, those whose second nature it is to help whenever and wherever possible and those that rarely do anything. I like to think that those who do nothing just haven't needed a random act of kindness themselves and don't understand the huge impact they could make by carrying one out.

Kindness. Let's spread it around.

 

 

Where would the world be?

‘You are good,’ said Father Brian admiring the patchwork of colour Janet had created. Containers of sweet peas, peonies and lavender bought a warmth to the cool, dark church. ‘I wish more people were like you. The world would be a better place.’

‘I do my best,’ blushed Janet.’‘See you tomorrow Father.’

Janet turned into the High Street towards home. The sound of crying sliced through her thoughts. About 40 yards ahead of her was a lone girl of around 6, her face as pink as her torn dress. Long blonde hair hung in matted clumps around her face which was sodden with tears. Blood oozed down her leg from a cut knee, staining her white ankle sock crimson.

Janet pretended to search in her bag for something as she crossed the street. It wouldn’t do to approach a child nowadays. You could be accused of anything. Anyway, she was certain the mother would turn up soon.

Outside the chemist a man hunkered down wrapped in a grimy blanket and sheets of sorrow. His face dark with dirt and loss. A shabby cap was placed in front of him, as he tried to collect loose change and hope from a world that had turned its back long ago. Avoiding eye contact Janet stepped over his dreams of a hot dinner. What was the world coming to begging in the streets? This was England for heavens sake!

At the crossroads the Big Issue seller smiled at Janet. ‘A magazine to help the homeless?’ he proffered. Janet didn’t break her stride, her gaze fixed firmly on a spot in the distance as she bustled ahead.

Turning right into Brown Street Janet was relieved to be home. As she turned her door key she could hear the fumbling of her neighbour unlocking her door.  Stepping over her threshold Janet slammed the door behind her. Old Mrs Davies always wanted a chat. ‘It’s not my problem her husband has died and her children don’t visit’, thought Janet. ‘Besides, my programme starts in 10 minutes.’

The shrill sound of the telephone shattered the silence.

‘Hello,’

‘Hello Janet. I’ve been trying you all afternoon.’

Hello Doris. It was my afternoon for volunteering at the church, doing the flowers for the service tomorrow.’

‘You are such a good person Janet. Always thinking of others.’

‘I know. But where would the world be if we didn’t all do our bit?’