Mental Health Awareness Week

 

Count your blessings

Count? My mind is hazy. I cannot concentrate on the simplest of tasks.

Snap out of it

Snap? I have slept for twelve hours but still don’t have the energy to move.

A good meal will cheer you up

I told you I cannot eat. My throat is constricted, my stomach a mass of swirling emotions.

Turn that frown upside down 

I try. I really do, but my face feels like a grotesque mask.

If you can’t be bothered to help yourself

I am screaming for help, can’t you hear me? But the room is silent and you turn away.

 

 

It is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. Depression is not something you choose.

 

We have experience in teaching Mindfulness within the Mental Health field to sufferers and carers. 

Please contact us for more information.

 

The simple life

The simple life is the best. To live an uncomplicated, stress free life is something people often talk about, but if the simple life really is the best why aren’t we living it?

Realistically, there are not many of us who could go and live up a mountain, or deep within nature. We have friends, family, people we care about. We have careers that are necessary to pay for the homes we live in. We work hard, we want nice things, holidays, evenings out.

We get tired. We want entertaining. The days of standing around the piano singing are long gone, we stream movies, shop online, check social networking sites an inordinate amount of time.

We often eat in front of the tv, plates balanced on our laps, smartphone in hand, the tv on in the background.

The harder we work, the more we want to rewards ourselves with material possessions and holidays. The pleasure holidays and new purchases give us is often fleeting, leaving us dissatisfied, wanting more, so we work harder. We worry more. We overthink. We miss the present moment.

We put huge amounts of pressure on ourselves to have the ‘perfect life.’

Mindfulness enabled me to strip back my life, to step away from the drama, to break the endless loop of unhelpful thinking, to get back to basics and really appreciate what I have, right here, right now.

‘Life is simple but we insist on making it complicated.’

I don’t entirely agree with this quote. Life isn’t always, can’t by its very nature always simple, it can be wild, unpredictable and challenging, but the more fully present we are, the simpler life feels and the more contentment we have.

How complicated is your life?

Grieving Mindfully

I have had a quiet few months. A bereavement before Christmas left me reeling, numb to life and questioning everything. I took a step back, I stopped teaching classes and blogging.

Loss is something we all experience within our lifetime, it is impossible to live, to love, without it; but I have found grief to be oddly isolating. There are no two people who experience grief in the same way and despite being reassured by people who have also experienced a loss ‘I know exactly how you feel,’ they don’t. No one can.

I turned to Mindfulness originally after acquiring a chronic health condition as a way to manage both my physical pain and my emotional distress without medication. Suffice to say it is, again, my practice that is allowing me to explore my feelings, to practice self-compassion and to let my experience be exactly what it is without judgement. By that I mean that I have allowed myself the time and space I feel I need without self-criticism. I knew that I would return to work when, and only when, I felt ready and I feel that time is now.

I return to teaching tomorrow. We have five fully booked classes scheduled in the next four days and I am curious to see how my teaching style has changed. I am not the same person I was, my self compassion has increased tenfold and I feel this will influence the teachings I pass on.

I will continue to grieve mindfully, to explore my feelings however uncomfortable they may be.

I will continue to live.

The Scent of Happiness

I wrote a 100 word piece of Flash Fiction this week called The Scent of Happiness. (You can read here if you wish).

Our sense of smell is inordinately powerful. It can make us mentally time travel to a past experience within seconds. The smell of home baking transports me back to my Nana's kitchen, the smell of suncream links me to building sandcastles on a beach with my children. These are all pleasant experiences to revisit. The smell of Gin however, reminds me of teenage heartbreak, of drinking too much in an effort to console my poor, broken heart.

We are often not consciously aware of these sensory links. We may smell something that links us to an unpleasant memory, like the one above, and find ourselves in a low mood, without quite understanding why. In the case of a pleasant memory we may feel sad it has gone, wishing we could cling on to the happy feelings, scared we will never feel that way again.

Through Mindfulness we learn to recognise these sensory links and the physical sensations that may accompany them and observe them in a kindly, non judgemental way. Rather than resisting or ignoring the emotions that are present for us, (what we resist persist) we learn to let them be, to practice acceptance and self compassion, in a way that fully supports our health and wellbeing.

To find out more about our Mindfulness courses or one to one coaching (also available via Skype) please visit our website and contact us for further information.

5 mindful ways to start your day

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn

What do you do when you wake up? Do you instantly lurch headlong into a world full of status updates and tweets, or ease yourself mindfully into the day ahead? The way we choose to spend those first precious moments after waking can set the tone for the hours that follow. 

It is all too easy to reach for the smartphone to turn off the alarm and automatically start checking emails, social networking sites and the news. Our minds go into overdrive. Our thought train has gone from resting to racing, absorbing depressing news stories, frantically compiling a list of things we absolutely mustn't forget to do. Beginning the day in such a busy way can cause underlying anxiety and agitation affecting the way we react to inevitable forthcoming challenges.

Integrate these five steps into your morning routine and notice how centred you feel as you go about the rest of your day.

1) When you wake carry out a mindful check in. Start by becoming aware of your breathing. Feel the weight of your body on the bed. Notice your temperature, any physical sensations that are present. Spend a few moments noticing any thoughts and emotions that are present. What is your underlying mood today?

2) When getting out of bed, fully feel your feet on the floor. Ease into some mindful movement. Bringing awareness to your movement trains your focus, a tool you can use in everyday life.

3) Bring presence to your routine. When showering become aware of the sensations of the water on your body. Hear the sound of the cascading water. Notice the scent of the products you use. Fully feel your fingertips massaging your scalp as you wash your hair. How does it feel to fully experience the present moment?

4) Eat your breakfast mindfully. Fully connect with the pleasures of eating, without feeling the need to be multi tasking. Notice the texture, the smell and the flavours of your food.

 5) Before leaving for work meditate for 5 minutes. Sit and notice the breath where it makes itself most predominantly known to you, be it the abdomen, nostrils or chest. If it helps you concentrate count each breath, the in breath as 1, the out breath as 2 etc. until you get to ten and then begin again. 

Prioritising your internal world and leaving the external world where it is for a few moments longer eases you gently into the day with calmness and purpose enabling you to react to any challenges with clarity.

Become a consciousness explorer

 

“Your vision becomes clear when you look inside your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” - Carl Jung

 

Mindfulness meditation has enabled me to reconnect to the inner peace inside, that contentment we are born with but lose as we develop the ability to wish things were different. We put off happiness, endlessly waiting until things are fixed, changed or improved to find our nirvana. How often have you said to yourself 'I will be happy when I get a new job/earn more money/lose 10lbs?'

External changes often don't dispel the inner gnawing discontentment and then what? Call off the search, you have everything you need within. Become a consciousness explorer. Close your eyes and wake up.

Mindfulness has been so life changing for me I completed a comprehensive teacher training programme and offer Skype coaching, 1-2-1 sessions and group courses.

Our next 8 week MBCT course commences on 8th September in Wellingborough, Northants.

 

Facing demons (last night I saw true courage)

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” August Wilson

Last night we began teaching the first week of our mindfulness programme for recovering addicts, on behalf of the wonderful local charity STAGES.

There was a lovely guy there who was literally on the first day of his journey to live an alcohol free life. He was seeking all the support he could, fiercely determined to succeed.

We regularly hear stories about bravery, passers-by intervening in muggings or rescuing a stranger from a fire, and these acts really do deserve commendation.

We mustn't forget however, that  one of the most courageous acts we can perform is facing our fears. When we confront the demons inside we strip away everything we think we are, everything we pretend to be. We see the things we try to hide from everyone, including ourselves. 

Eckhart Tolle says in The Power of Now, “Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to — alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person — you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain”.

To let go of coping strategies, crutches, we have put in place for evading difficulties, leaving ourselves open, exposed and vulnerable can feel like the most terrifying thing in the world. When you let go of what you’re not, you find out what you are, and self-awareness is the first step towards real self love and creating a meaningful existence.

Last night I may not have witnessed a crime or seen any burning buildings but I saw true courage and feel privileged to have done so.

A good day out and a dollop of judgment

'What other people think of me is none of my business.'

I had a lovely day out this weekend with friend. Although we have known each other for years we generally socialise at one another's houses, where my mobility restrictions are not an issue.

We drove up to the venue we were visiting and asked for directions to disabled parking. The attendant replied 'it's for people who are disabled'. Umm yes, that would be me, with my badge clearly on display on my dashboard which I showed him. He then tried to stick his head through the open window and aggresively enquired where my wheelchair was. After pointing out my crutches he reluctantly let us through the gate.

At the other end was a gentleman directing cars into spaces. I politely asked if we could park on the space at the end or on the row near the entrance. No, we were (impolitely) told to drive to the other side of the field when there were nearer spaces.

My friend, by now, was quite upset. 'Why is everyone so rude to you?' 

It's because many people make instant judgements. I don't look like they think a 'disabled' person should look. I am not old (enough), physically deformed, there is nothing glaringly obviously wrong with me when you look at me. I make people uncomfortable. They don't understand what they can't see and therefore make snap decisions, there is nothing wrong with me, I am probably just lazy wanting to park nearer. How dare I?

When we got out of the car and headed towards the entrance the same attendant was totally different. He became really friendly and apologetic. Is this because he could see my crutches then, my obvious discomfort, something tangible he could understand?

It was interesting to witness the reaction of my friend in various situations throughout the day. I don't generally notice the judgements of others any more. I am not sure whether it is through my mindfulness practice enabling to consciously see the judgements of others and not attach to them or whether I have had so many years now of peoples reactions I am just immune to them. I no longer let the actions of others dictate how my day goes. I can't choose what others think or say but I can choose the way I react and feel, and this with compassion, both towards them and myself.

We all, often subconsciously, make judgements, an event happens, a person acts and we immediately label it as good, bad, right, wrong, better or worse. My challenge to you is to try to notice your judgements over the next 24 hours and see if you can suspend them. Let things be exactly as they are without the need for labels. I would love to hear how you get on.

Exploring Acceptance

“The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.” Eckhart Tolle

Yesterday evening we arrived at the lovely venue we work from to teach week 5 of our latest 8 week Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy Course.

Walking into our teaching area we realised there was an unknown lady already there talking to couple. We politely enquired how long she would be and realised there was a huge time overlap. We explained that we were about to set up for our weekly meditation group and asked her if she would please mind using a different room as the building was empty but this was the only room large enough to house our group. She refused to move ‘as she was there first, and had paid to be there.’ We had to call the manager who talked to her over the phone and explained that she was supposed to be in a room upstairs. The lady still, very unpleasantly, refused to move leaving my group now waiting in the corridor, and the manager feeling bad that something, totally beyond her control had happened in her extremely well run clinic.

We were left with the option of cancelling or squeezing into a small room. The room was hot and there was no space to lie down but the group remained upbeat and helped moving chairs etc around. When everyone was seated I was asked what the weekly theme was and we had to laugh when I told them it was acceptance of difficult situations and people. What could have marred the evening was actually a great starting point for a discussion.

There was a time when a situation like this would really have upset me, the lady’s attitude would instantly have cultivated automatic ruminative thoughts such as ‘Why is she being horrible to me? What have I done? How can I fix it?’

The truth is, in situations such as these, rarely are other people’s words or actions meant to hurt us personally. Many people have a default automatic reaction they call upon whenever they are feeling wronged or stressed. (Road rage is another good example of this).

We can never control the way other people react or treat us but what we can control is the way we feel about it. Do we dwell on unpleasant events going over them again and again, possibly envisaging different outcomes. ‘I wish I had of said/done………….’.

Through Mindfulness I have learned to change my negative, self limiting thought patterns. George Orwell once said “Happiness can exist only in acceptance”. I choose to be happy.

Mindfulness for Addictions

I have recently had a meeting with STAGES (Support Training Advice Guidance Educational Services Limited), a non profit organisation created to support recovering addicts, along with their family members, regarding the use of Mindfulness to aid the recovery process and help prevent future relapses of recovering addicts.

Addiction is something that has had a direct impact upon my family in the past and while there is limited help available to addicts in regard to their mental health and wellbeing, their families are sadly often forgotten.  I feel privileged to be able to take part in the Healing Minds Project.

Mindfulness is a powerful tool  in the treatment of addictions which take hold in many subtle psychological ways, it enables us to: - 

• Understand our desires
• Notice cravings and choose how to react before they take hold
• Regular practice strengthens our muscles of attention so we find it easier to release thoughts and cravings
• Teaches us how to experience cravings without necessarily reacting to them
• Shows us a way to deal with stress so we are less likely to use a 'crutch'

In a recent study Neuroscientists found that after just five 20 minute sessions of a mindfulness meditation technique, people had increased blood flow to an area of the brain vital to self-control, the anterior cingulate cortex.   After 11 hours of practice, they found actual physical changes in the brain around this area. (Reference Short-term meditation induces white matter changes in the anterior cingulate. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 107(35), 15649-15652)

The programme we will be using for this project combines Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques which will be running in Corby, Northamptonshire over a period of 10 weeks. There will be two programmes, one on a Tuesday evening for families affected by addiction and one on a Wednesday lunchtime for recovering addicts. 

Participants will be expected to attend each session as well as carrying out some practice at home in-between sessions (MP3's will be provided for this).

To find out more or to book a place please contact STAGES. 

Interview with Sandy Newbigging

When I first met Sandy a few years ago he had given a talk on health and happiness.  Talking to him afterwards I asked him how it was possible to apply the techniques he spoke about, in a situation such as mine when I am in constant physical pain.  He told me the pain wasn’t my main problem but the fact that I was resisting it.  At the time I thought, to be blunt, it was a stupid thing to say, how could pain not be my main problem?  However after getting to know Sandy, undertaking his workshops, his teacher training programmes and fully understanding his philosophy I am a full advocate of his methods which have greatly helped me on a personal level.  It was a pleasure, therefore, to interview him regarding the meditation he teaches, through which, Yoga Magazine given the accolade of branding him “one of the best meditation teachers around”. Sandy currently has a new book available "Mind Calm" published by Hay House and I am proud to be a qualified Mind Calm coach, as well as a Mind Detox Practitioner.

Sandy, you help people eradicated their unhealthy beliefs through your Mind Detox Method to enable them to feel at peace, why do you recommend meditating too?

Therapy works on changing the mind, meditation works on changing the relationship with the mind.  It is very powerful to combine a good form of therapy with a good form of meditation that can help you to reconnect with the permanent, on-going experience of life.

In your opinion, is therapy not enough on its own?

It can be but there is a very high chance that when the client goes home they are going to find a new problem because that's what the mind does.  Often that person then thinks it’s because that therapy didn’t work but the therapy did work, but the real ultimate problem is thinking so much.

So if you don’t think so much you don’t keep coming up with new problems?

Exactly.  When you stop thinking so much you get present and start to experience the perfection of life and more peace, happiness, more love and contentment.

So we can use meditation as a tool to keep us in the present moment?

Yes.

Why do we find this so difficult to do naturally?

The mind by its very nature is very judgemental and wants to put everything in a box, whether good, bad, right, wrong, better or worse and as long as we are in that cycle and constantly thinking then we can not only feel that something is lacking in our life but we can be missing the present moment because thoughts are always taking us to the past or the future.

Ah, I can totally relate to that because I was forever thinking about the past wishing I was healthy again. You always seem so relaxed.  How would you sum up living in the present?

You can’t help but rediscover the permanent aspect of you, the underlying nature of you and all reality which we suggest is still, silent space or consciousness and if someone is exploring consciousness then they are exploring peace and love and contentment.

You make it sound very beautiful and you clearly love teaching?

I want to share the experience of peace with others, it is not an intellectual, conceptual belief, meditation is freeing and liberating and helps you reconnect with your inner experience of peace.

And I can vouch for the fact it really does work. Thanks Sandy, as always, it has been a pleasure.

You can check out Sandy's website here.

My Easter Zombie Adventure

Whilst driving to lunch today I asked my husband to pull into the car park of a large retail shopping complex we were driving past. As it is Easter Sunday and all the shops are closed today I wanted to see the car park empty. We slowly drove around the deserted area whilst I pretended a zombie apocalypse was the cause for the lack of activity, making up an elaborate tale as I pictured, in my mind’s eye, exactly what could have happened.

Although my body often feels worn out, possibly more than it should at my age due to a chronic health condition, mentally I never feel any older.

I am grateful that through my mindfulness practice I can now choose to be fully present, letting my overactive writer’s mind be still, but I love the quote “you don’t stop playing when your grow old, you grow old because you stop playing“. I hope never to lose the joy I find in life.

When was the last time you played?

Coping with chronic pain

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”.

For the last few months my health has steadily deteriorated (my story). Increased pain and a decline in my already limited mobility has been a true test of my faith.

I don’t mean faith in the religious sense but a real challenge to the belief I have that I can manage chronic pain through a blend of meditation, mindfulness, diet and other natural methods.

It is important to me to feel in control of my condition and not the other way around. I don’t like using labels, it’s so easy to get caught up in the definition of who you think you are. 

Eckhart Tolle once said  “Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon. It is also insane.” This often applies to medical conditions too. It is easy to fall into the “I have ………….. and therefore I cannot ……………. and will never …………..”.

I shall never give up on trying to improve my health but I no longer try to resist it causing me further emotional distress. I have a quiet acceptance  now, a peaceful place inside of me that is always there, waiting for me to reconnect at any time, no matter what my external circumstances are.

I think only those who have experienced chronic pain can have some understanding of how it feels. That said, everyones personal journey is unique. There may not only be unrelenting pain but there can also be anger at your body for letting you down, to the universe for letting this happen, towards loved ones for not understanding instinctively. Throw in a good dose of fear into the mix “is this ever going to improve?”, “am I on a downward spiral again?”, the stress of which causes muscle tightness and pain in different areas as sensitivity is heightened. General function is then reduced further and unhelpful thoughts and emotions such as “I am a burden” surface and once you are on the negative thought train it’s hard to get off. No wonder it’s exhausting. 

I feel such gratitude for all I have learnt the past few years. As much as I love teaching my general meditation workshops I am looking forward to launching my programme for chronic pain later this year. It has been a real experience finding methods that work for me and it will be a real privilege to pass them on.

A mindful government?

“Breathe and let be”. Jon Kabat-Zinn

I should imagine being an MP can be quite a stressful job and the Houses of Parliament a high pressured environment.

I think it’s fantastic therefore that politicians are being taught mindfulness techniques to allow them to stop ruminating and find a calm space within which allows them to focus on important issues with enhanced clarity.

An 8 week mindfulness course devised by Jon Kabat-Zinn is planned for February 2014. There has been great interest from MP’s eager to join the 50 who have already attended previous sessions.

Chris Ruane, the parliament’s leading advocate of mindfulness describes it as “the breath that allows us to anchor ourselves in the present”. Chris, a former primary school teacher, hopes that there will be a steady increase in MP’s incorporating mindfulness into their daily lives. “The more we can develop mindfulness in the heart of parliament and in the heart of government the more mindful policies we can develop”.

With Mindfulness being approved by the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) for treating stress and depression it definitely has a legitimate place within the corporate setting. 

Ruane sums up perfectly “The whole pace of life has speeded up. We are all on a hedonic treadmill. You get on it in the morning and you’re on it all day long. How fast do you want to go on a treadmill? Have you got the means and mechanisms to slow yourself down or step off? I think mindfulness can help. It’s helped for me. And those MPs and Lords speak about rebalancing their lives, re-prioritising, deciding what’s important”.

If you are interested in the 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course devised by Jon Kabat-Zinn please contact me for dates and prices of our next intake (please note this is also available over Skype and on a 1-1 basis). 

The king and his sons

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others". Peace Pilgrim

I want to share the story of a king who had 3 sons. The first was handsome and very popular. When he was 21, his father built a palace in the city for him. The second son was intelligent and also very popular. When he became 21, his father built a palace in the city for him as well. The third son, neither handsome nor intelligent, was unfriendly and unpopular. When he was 21 the king’s counselors said: “there is no further room in the city. Have a palace built outside the city for your son. You can have it built so it will be strong. You can send some of your guards to prevent it being attacked by the ruffians who live outside the city walls”. So the king built such a palace and sent some of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later, the son sent a message to his father. “I cannot live here. The ruffians are too strong”. So the counsellors said, “build another palace bigger and stronger and 20 miles away from the city and the ruffians. With more soldiers, it will easily be able to withstand attacks from the nomadic tribes that pass that way”. So the king built such a palace and sent 100 of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later, a message came from the son: “I cannot live here the tribes are too strong”. So the counsellors said “Build a castle, a large castle 100 miles away. It will be big enough to house 500 soldiers and strong enough to withstand attacks from the people who live over the border”. So the king built such a castle and sent 500 of his soldiers to protect it.

A year later the son sent another message to the king. “Father the attacks of the neighbouring people are too strong. They have attacked twice and if they attack a third time I fear for my life and the lives of your soldiers”.

And the King said to his counsellors “let him come home and he can live in the palace with me. For it is better that I learn to live my son than spend all the energy and resources of my kingdom keeping him at a distance”.

I love this story. We expel so much energy sometimes fighting against things that aren't exactly as we think they should be causing us huge amounts of physical and emotional stress. Learning the art of acceptance and allowing brings a sense of freedom, improving our health and well-being. After all 'what we resist, persists'. The easiest way to learn to let go of the idea that things need to be different, to stop wanting to fix,change and improve things is through meditation. Are you ready to let this moment be enough?

Make like Kanye West

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape 100 days of sorrow”. Chinese Proverb.

I read with interest last week that Kim Kardashian has issued an ultimatum to Kayne West regarding his erratic behaviour and has hired a meditation coach in an attempt to curb Kayne’s anger. Kayne is often in the news for his hot headed exploits and often loses his temper. It is reported Kanye will be meditating for an hour a day, seven days a week.

So could it work? Absolutely. Meditation allows you to become aware of the thoughts and feelings in your body in a non-judgmental way. Recognising these sensations when they arise and putting into practice breathing techniques allows you to observe your feelings with kindness and compassion. Kayne will be taught how to let go of his thoughts, and if that is not always possible, different techniques to deal with them as an alternative to lashing out. 

Becoming an observer of your anger allows you to also see what may be behind it. Often anger masks deeper feelings such as fear, guilt or shame. Once you can understand what leads you to anger you can apply a kindness to yourself, without self-criticism, which then also positively impacts on all your relationships.

Will it work? It’s difficult to say. If Kayne has taken responsibility for his behavior and made a decision to find a new way to be then yes. However, loved ones, with the best will in the world, often try to force a change on someone who isn’t ready. It’s like trying to give up smoking because your family lectures you on the health risks all the time. Until you decide you are ready and most importantly, want a change, anything you try is unlikely to become a sustainable way of life.

I wish them lots of luck.

Who are you?

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn"

Harriet Beecher Stowe

Well yesterday I had a day out with my family and actually did some walking. Some of you may know I have mobility problems (my story) and yesterday was probably the most active I have been for the past 7 years. It did get to a stage when I was in so much pain and so fatigued I couldn’t carry on and then the lovely people at National Trust sent an elderly man in a golf buggy called Derek to come and pick me up.

Derek asked what was wrong with me and when I told him he said “it’s great you’ve kept trying for so long to improve your health”. He explained many people he had known throughout his life who developed health problems eventually really become them, totally giving up on themselves.

It’s so easy to get in a situation which, if it persists over time we come to think of it as our natural state. It is often labels others put on us that we let define us “you are disabled”. Actually I am me, I just happen to have a health condition.

Friends and family can often inadvertently make us feel inferior too, often unintentionally by describing others as “the clever one”, “the pretty one”, “the funny one”, and we forget we are also all these things and more too. 

We are all beautifully unique and if we can let go of what we are not we can fully embrace what we are.

One of the meditations I like to do is really helpful (you can adapt the words to suit you).

1. Be comfortable, ideally sitting upright on the floor or a chair with your spine as straight as possible. If you have a health condition that makes this posture uncomfortable find a position that works for you.

1. Allow your attention to focus on your breath. This could be the air coming in and out of your nostrils or your chest or abdomen gently rising and falling.

1. Feel each in breath and out breath whilst breathing naturally - you do not need to consciously slow down your breathing.

1. Breathe in and gently think “I am aware of pain” (or whatever you want to work on).

1. Breathe out “I know I am not my pain”.

1. Repeat this cycle for at least 10 minutes every day. Each time you meditate it will be different so start each session with no pre-conceived expectations.

Remember you are awesome and if you are interested in finding out more about the techniques I have used to help myself check out The Happy Starfish.

What meditation isn't

"Meditation is the tongue of the soul and the language of our spirit". Jeremy Taylor

As a meditation teacher I often find people have preconceived ideas of meditation. There are many great articles around on what meditation is and its benefits, so I thought I would write one on what meditation isn’t to try to dispel some of the more common misconceptions I have come across.

Meditation is purely a relaxation technique

I hear “but there are other things I do that relax me, I don’t need to meditate” a lot. It’s certainly true that relaxation is a byproduct of a regular meditation practice but it’s so much more. You can consciously choose to live being perfectly present and fully experiencing life right now, freeing yourself of the limiting negative mental chatter that can sometimes feel relentless. We can do this through reconnecting with the still, silent space inside of us, rather than seeking temporary periods of true happiness through external measures. 

Meditation is a religious practice

You don’t need to shave your head, join a monastery or give away all your money. You are making a commitment to love and honor the real you by reconnecting with the peace and love that resides inside that has been slowly consumed through years of modern day living. 

Meditation makes you an emotionless robot

Meditation does not remove emotions but it makes you more attuned to emotional changes. I used to worry all the time, believing the commentator in my head to be very true, which caused me lots of energy and stress. (“Wow, could that really happen - that would be terrible”). Lots of the emotions I had were very fear based surrounding the future.    Meditation has increased my clarity allowing me to think more logically rather than emotionally. Living in the present moment helped me to disengage from my unhealthy emotional states but I still feel things very deeply.

Meditation is too hard

It’s a complete alien concept to many to just sit and be. No distractions, no entertainment, no planning the future. Meditation is not hard but it is helpful to have someone guide you when you start practicing.

Meditation takes years to work

It is called meditation practice for a reason. It takes time to cultivate the habit of directing our attention inward. It’s not an instant fix but changes will be gentle and consistent. Gradually you will break free from the cycle of thinking too much and you will reconnect to your natural state of peace and love. The longer you put off starting your practice the longer you will remain in disharmony.

Meditation takes too much time

Spare time is a luxury that many of us do not have in excess of with the demands of modern day living, but everyone can create a few minutes in their day (I have periods where I switch my smartphone off so I can’t keep checking it to free up time). People who say they don’t have the time to meditate are usually the ones that really need to. Try just 10 minutes a day for 6 weeks, it’s enough to see a difference. 

To meditate you need to stop having thoughts

I have been meditating for years, and my mentors even longer, and I honestly don’t know of anyone who doesn’t have any thoughts. We are human beings with human nervous systems and will probably remain having thoughts for the rest of our lives. Meditation offers you the freedom to chose which thoughts you engage with. 

Meditation is an escape from reality

Personally my reality pre meditation was full of fear and panic and generally full of angst. I am now free from remorsefully thinking about the past or anxiously trying to foresee the future. You can’t get much more real than the present moment.

Meditation doesn’t work for everyone

There are many types of meditation all with the ultimate aim of enabling you to be present. There is something for everyone. I believe the majority of people give up as they feel they are ‘bad’ at it due to the amount of thoughts they have when they try. Never judge a meditation on the time you spend meditating but rather on the after effects. i.e. do you sleep better, have improved clarity, less worry etc.?

Meditation is selfish

I struggled initially with taking time out of my day to meditate that could have been spent with my children or a million other things. It felt extremely self indulgent and uncomfortable. However  my practice has made me calmer, happier and generally a lot nicer to be around. Those surrounding you will reap the benefits almost as much as you do.

Meditation is the answer to all 

Life is subject to flux and we will all have times where our circumstances become more difficult. Unfortunately meditation does not guarantee you a problem free existence. What it does do though is give you the tools you need to navigate your way through with a calmness and clarity and a knowing that this too shall pass. 

To attend a meditation workshop or receive one-to-one coaching and support (also available via Skype) contact me. Next one day workshop dates 7th September, 5th October, 16th November, Northamptonshire.